Mother's Day at Nkosi's Haven

Today, when we rolled through the gate at Nkosi's Haven, the kids welcomed Zoleka and I with hugs which quickly transitioned into urgent tugs on our hands. "Come this way! Come in here! We've prepared a special breakfast for all the mother's on Mother's Day".

Zo and I made our way through the kitchen where toast was popping, dishes were clanging and excited voices urged us forward into the main living room.

As we rounded the corner, we found the room festooned with balloons and handmade signs, and a table set with white linens. Encircling the table were four beaming mama's. They made room for us as they finished their first course of today's menu: corn flakes and milk!

Next came plates heaping with scrambled eggs, 3 slices of thickly buttered toast and stewed tomatoes. We had tea and jam. We had a specially picked play list of musical selections. We were treated like queens.

Then four children came in and quickly handed Zodwa, one of the mama's, a handmade card. As we passed the simple card around the table, each face was brushed with a tear as we each read the neatly crafted, colorful message of love from the children of Nkosi's Haven.

No sad things today. Just the realization that the legacy of Nkosi Johnson and the mission of Gail Johnson has been realized.

Nkosi, before he died at age 12 in a speech to the UN said:
"Because I was separated from my mother at an early age, because we were both HIV positive, my mommy Gail and I have always wanted to start a care centre for HIV/Aids mothers and their children."

Nkosi's Haven was created so that "more infected mothers can stay together with their children - they mustn't be separated from their children so they can be together and live longer with the love that they need."

I'd say Mother's Day 2009 would demonstrate that this special dream has touched the lives of Zodwa, Busi, Ruth, Grace, Melita and many, many other Moms and children.

What a wonder to be able to be part of it all!

Read more about Nkosi Johnson and Nkosi's Haven at http://www.nkosishaven.co.za/

One of my favorite places in the world...

Every time I pull up to the gated, brightly painted entrance of Nkosi's Haven, I am amazed at the cheerful visage it fronts to the rough and tumble streets of Berea. But then I ask myself, "Why should I be surprised? What I see on the outside reflects the insides of this special place."

You can't walk five steps without tripping over a curioius toddler or being enwrapped in the shy smile of young one. The warren of pathways that runs through the three structures that house over 75 children and mothers struggling with HIV/AIDS always yields another glowing face, another warm embrace.

The women and children of Nkosi's Haven are very blessed with this family atmosphere, the abundant food, the medical care and good schooling. They are cared for and they know it.

The stories beneath the surface trickle out in halting cadences.

Liba, the oldest of a family of refugee children, who somehow found her way at 14 across the border from Zimbabwe, all the way to Johannesburg.

Ayanda, who had cared for each of his parents as they grew sick and passed away, eventually left to care for his little brother in an abandoned building in Jo'burg.

Z. who was raped by her step-father and who has been HIV+ since age 12.

The stories of tragedy run barely beneath the surface of this bustling, noisy home.

Where is the place where these painful stories are shared? Where healing takes place?

Each Net Buddy stands eagerly outside the computer room, waiting for their little dose of someone special. The person who cares for them so much that they extend themselves across the globe to "be there" through the pangs and joys of growing up.

Liba signs on to our video conferencing platform 10 minutes early, decorating the white board with Mother's Day messages and pretty designs.

Koketso relunctantly leaves her Net Buddy, waving in front of the camera with tears in her eyes as their half hour video conference ends.

These relationships are steadfast and enduring. Meaningful and deep.

And as I came in the gate of Nkosi's Haven today, a dozen 10 year olds milled about outside the computer room...having waited for this day for more than a year. Today, I was coming to teach them how to use the computer, share with them the story of Infinite Family...and give them the gift of mentorship.

What a humbling thing, to be responsible for something that these children so eagerly desire.

What a humbling thing, to be the person these children so eagerly look forward to seeing each week. What a wondrous thing to be a mentor with Infinite Family!

Traveling the World in a Mentor's Heart

As Zoleka and I make our way through the jigsaw of courtyards and pathways that puzzle themselves together into the external space of Realogile High School in Alexandra, I comment to her that every time I come to visit, it is never quiet. Every time I walk the pathways to Infinite Family's little computer center nestled in a corner of this bustling High School, I find children kicking balls, tumbling over one another, hanging around the sidewalks and generally doing everything but sitting in classrooms quietly learning.

Zoleka chuckles...no quick interpretation...just a chuckle.

Then, a bit later, as I stand in a crowded room full of inquisitive faces, and listen to the more seasoned Net Buddies share their experience with Infinite Family, I witness passionate and emphatic testimonials...all in Zulu. The kids are pouring out their hearts and I am desperate to understand! I turn to Zoleka once again, hoping for a quick interpretation.

Zoleka smiles, motions for me to wait. No quick interpretation.

I struggle to pick up one word here and there. A few familiar phrases jump out of the flow: "Advice" I hear. "Improve english", I decipher. "Computers", "VC", "special friend", "share secrets". I begin to think that I don't need to hear every word to know that the children are loving their time with the video mentors of Infinite Family.

But then I hear a few strange words thrown in there. "India". "Many countries". Hmmm? What is Phillip talking about?

This time, Zoleka is quick with an interpretion.

One of our Net Buddies, Phillip, claims that he is traveling the world in his mentors heart. Phillip's life travels have been defined and limited by the boundaries of his little corner of Alexandria. Phillip, a boy who in all his 15 years has rarely ventured past the garbage strewn streets filled with tooting cars, blaring radios, running children and tiny storefronts claims he has now been to India.

Phillip stands before his peers and claims, "I have been with Paul to India, to Germany, to America. I have been with Paul in all his travels because I know that Paul carries me in his heart wherever he goes, every moment of every day."

The quick interpretation? Mentoring through Infinite Family works!

Come join us! To learn more, visit our website: www.infinitefamily.org

The Power of a Well Placed "NO"!

Today I had the privilege of meeting Veronica Kgabo, principal and founder of Diepsloot Combined School. Veronica had a vision of quality education for the children of the rough and tumble, sprawling Diepsloot area. Veronica's vision took root on an arid, stony 2 acres of land less than 6 years ago. She has nurtured that vision into a lively, cheerful place crowded with tiny, prefab structures and scarred shipping containers that were transformed into classrooms where young minds are ignited with new ideas and children are challenged with the highest of educational standards.

Veronica is a saavy woman...saavy enough to say "no, thank you" as often as she says "yes, thank you." And after this afternoon in her presence, I would offer a guess that it is saying "no" as often as she says "yes" which has made her vision flourish and grow.

When Veronica took her small staff to a rubbish heap that surrounded the school grounds on 2 sides, she swept her arm across the expanse of nasty and proclaimed it would now be their new soccer field. When mothers and fathers of her students came and offered to sort through the rubbish, Veronica said, "yes, thank you." When the church across the way offered assistance with leveling the field, Veronica said "yes, thank you." But when she was offered a tractor for maintaining the field and cutting the grass, Veronica said "no".

Veronica said, "How can I take care of a tractor?" Where will the money come for fuel? No tractor, thank you. But if you would like to keep the tractor and use it here every month, I will be happy for you to do that. But please,a tractor would be a burden, not a blessing."

And when a donor very generously said, "I would like to give you computers.", Veronica again said "no". "How will I maintain computers? And how will I keep them updated? For I know that once they are here, problems will arise and you will not be here to fix them."

But when, another donor, Rentworks, arrived and offered to give Veronica's school 62 computers, they also offered to come every 2 weeks to maintain and update them. And when these computers and the active and ongoing participation of the donor was secured, Veronica said, "yes, thanks"!

Saying no is a problem for those of us in the asking business. It is often difficult to turn down the generous offers of donors, no matter how ill-fitting the gift might feel. For the wrong gift can become a burden to an organization, slowing the development toward goals and the realization of a mission.

Veronica's vision has been solidified with her no-saying as well as her many yes's, as she has taken the school from 180 students to 1800 in less than six years.

Today, I learned from Veronica Kgabo the power of a well placed "NO". I hope I will employ that little word with as much positive force as she has at Diepsloot Combined.

And by the way, Veronica Kgabo said "yes, please!" to a partnership with Infinite Family. We will be lucky to have such a wise partner who will teach us much as we walk this road together.

I'm so glad we weren't given a well placed "no"! Thank you, Veronica Kgabo!

Infinite Family featured on The Glass Hammer!

Hi Everyone,

We got first page, top of the fold position in today’s article on Infinite Family in The Glass Hammer (www.theglasshammer.com).

Thanks to Cheryl Pollard and Barbara Draimin for being such wonderful examples of Infinite Family volunteer mentors!

Pass it on!

d.

Headed to South Africa...

Every single time I get ready to go back to South Africa, I am full of conflicting emotions. Primed and pumped to accomplish many things in a short amount of time gets the adrenaline pumping. The joy of reconnecting with all the phenomenal people -- the NGO workers, the friends and supporters -- and of course, the incredible opportunity to be with the children once again is exciting. All these things are the stuff that gets my engine running and has me moving a bit more rapidly than normal.

But on the other hand, I'm leaving my kids behind for over 10 days. Having a ramped up mom prior to the trip and a very lagged out one afterwards is difficult and disruptive for them. Then of course, the dreaded packing: Cameras, projector and laptop in the carry-on (ugh!). Dictionaries and wooden toys in with the papers. Huge tubs of JIF peanut butter and Nescafe (don't ask!) in the BIG suitcase (the one that could be a coffin for a good size german shepherd). And of course, don't forget the passport (I almost did once!).

The planning and arranging of the schedule makes me, a normally spontaneous person, a super-controlling type A++! Computer training, computer installation, computer upgrades -- check! Staff meeting, staff training, staff brainstorming -- check! Corporate meeting, corporate training, corporate tours -- check! New site visit, new site development, new site relationship building -- uncheck! How do I fit it all into 8 short days on the ground???

The experience is packed solid, but in the midst of it, I try and spend time reflecting on all the feelings, experiences and insights and capture it all in my blog. So, instead of the "regular" once a week post in this blogspot, I will be updating daily. As much a tonic for me as it is a window into another world for you!

So, start looking for updates beginning on May 7th! I promise!

Thanks for your good thoughts and your support. Comments are a great motivator!

Dana

Incidental Mentors

Tonight, I am learning all about a computer virus that my daughter accidentally (is there any other way?) downloaded onto the family computer. I'm also relearning that I should never use the same password on all my accounts...especially not on my Facebook account, my email account and my bank account.

Some of us are just simply slower learners!

Or maybe I'm just too naive and lazy to heed the warnings that pop up from the day you first touch a keyboard and read the word "GOOGLE".

Warnings that should make me wise enough not to let my first grader on the computer by himself at 6am on a Saturday even though my whole being is begging for another hour of sleep.

You get my point.

With all the ways to get in trouble in this world and all the things I keep learning way too late in life, I sometimes wonder how anyone, myself included, makes it past the age of 25 without spontaneously combusting.

Luckily, there are the guides and teachers, wise ones and gurus along the way. The one's with voices we tune into...the one's who have just the right balance of advice, kindness, humility and wisdom. The person who laughed with us and didn't laugh at us. The person who believed we would make it past 25 and was willing to bet we could do it without blowing ourselves up.

That is basically what mentoring is all about.

I wish I could thank all the people who mentored me on my journey to 25 and beyond. Fortunately, I had the chance to share my gratitude with most of them before they passed on to their next great adventure.

But there are many I will never be able to thank. The many incidental mentors who never even knew that they were on my journey with me.

The incidental mentors in my life were frequent. Random strangers at bus stops and on trains who spoke a sort of transcendent vision that sustained me in some weird way. Other incidental mentors were people I watched and learned from...people I admired from afar. The raven-haired grad student who I listened to speak with such intellectual curiousity and intensity. The woman at the concert hall who carried herself with such grace and strength. Images and conversations that marked me, that remain a part of me even decades later...all gifts my incidental mentors have given me.

And now, I work with hundreds of mentors. Mentors who are choosing that role through Infinite Family.

And all you mentors who I am lucky enough to meet in training and online from time to time? I learn from you. I learn from John, our "gaia guy" as I call him, who is inspiring me. I learn from Mike, whose friends say, "wherever Mike goes love grows". I am touched by Lori, whose love for her Keneilwe, her Net Buddy, is just boundless. I am so honored to know Barbara, a risk-taker and joy-sower, a rule-breaker and flag-bearer.

Just look at all those incidental mentors, who don't even know I'm learning from them! Lucky me!

With all these mentors surrounding me, maybe eventually I'll become a little less naive and lazy, so when the next inevitable teen tech tragedy unfolds, I won't spontaneously combust along with my bank account!

Once again, thank you for all you do...!

Running the Gauntlet of Growing Up in South Africa

This week, Manini's step-father was dragged from a car and stabbed to death.

Manini's response to our reaching out to her with concern was a deadened "These things happen."

And in her life, and the life of so many young people like her, it is true that these things do happen. Violent death, rape, the violence of poverty wrapped around the ever-present specter of HIV/AIDS buffets the children of Africa like a gauntlet of threatening men with bull-whips in their hands.

We can barely fathom what their days are like. In our days of complaining about traffic, decreasing investment portfolios and the trials and tribulations of appliances that break, children that whine and seemingly endless rounds of chores, tasks and responsibilities...it is hard to see our own lives as privileged.

But Betsy knows, and Cheryl is learning this from Liba and Chuck is being inspired by Siyabonga. The mentors of Infinite Family are given the gift of perspective from these incredible children of Infinite Family.

And Andrea? Andrea is logging on to a computer and coming face to face with Manini...sharing tears and the incredible depth of loss that Manini has faced in her very young life. Andrea in her NYC apartment, with her infant son, is a source of succor and support for this young woman who has no adult in her life...no one left to shoulder the grief with her and encourage her forward.

Manini is in a fragile place. A very smart, motivated young woman who has gone from orphanage to college. A fledgling success story. A child of infinite possibility.

A child of Infinite Family.

Infinite Family needs your support to continue to reach the children who run the gauntlet of growing up in such challenging circumstances.

Your support helps us keep Manini connected to an adult who isn't going anywhere...who she can count on...an adult mentor from Infinite Family.

We hope you would consider giving your time, talent and treasure to the children of Africa through Infinite Family. We make it easy, we make it fun...and it makes a difference.

We thank you for all you do!

Dana

Navigating the Technology Jungle!

Refilwe, an orphanage and community enrichment program located in one of the more rural areas surrounding Johannesburg, loses its power in the Infinite Family computer center every time someone turns on the stove in the cottage next door.

Yes, indeed! Everyday is a new technology adventure with Infinite Family!

*When we teach computer skills at Refilwe, we do it in the dark...afraid to turn on the lights, overload the system and then lose the laboriously typed user profiles the children have been working on.

*Internet Solutions generously donates satellite access to all Infinite Family's computer centers. Which means these hunking-big satellites are attached to tin roofs, concrete block outbuildings and shipping containers masquerading as technology centers. This incredible access to the internet provided free of charge puts the ultimate strain on these less than stable structures. But somehow, these humble dwellings bear the burden of the satellites, beaming the smiling faces of our Net Buddies all the way to outer space and over the pond on a daily basis!

*Nkosi's Haven, a Johannesburg hospice for HIV+ women and their children, stitches together their Infinite Family connection by dangling the modem precariously from a chair...the only way to keep the ethernet wire connected!

And those are just a few of the technology problems in South Africa -- one of the best wired cities on the African continent!

As for the US, you'd think you'd be looking at a fairyland of technological wonders. Guess again!

*100 different users with different operating systems, computers of varying ages and abilities, less than adequate internet connections, modems that are flukey, and speaker/headphone systems that mysteriously want to do something other than work when it is time to be talking to a Net Buddy during a video conference. The US is no technological picnic.

*And in my own home in Pittsburgh PA, if I use my telephone and my microwave at the same time, I sound like I'm underwater and the popcorn won't pop!

Some days, it feels as if technology is a jungle of preying problems waiting to pounce!

And yet, Infinite Family somehow manages to create enduring and special connections between orphans in South Africa and mentors around the world. Mentors and Net Buddies meet every week, sharing their hopes and dreams, their daily lives and funny stories...laughing, creating poetry and chair-dancing to music together...all on this same amazing and frustrating link called technology.

Until of course, one of the kids at the orphanage gives the key to the computer center to a man named David who went away for the weekend...and who conveniently dropped his cell phone in the Crocodile River so he can't be reached. And then you realize even when the technology works, you've still got problems!

Oops!! Gotta go...my neighbor is using his CB Radio and his voice is coming through my computer speakers!!!

Technology...you've got to love it!

Louis CK's perspective

Last night, when I was roaming through the Facebook realm, I came upon a video that made me laugh out loud (or lol, if you do that sort of thing). Louis CK was on a rant on the Conan O'Brien Show about how completely ungrateful we are.

Louis CK did a lol job of pointing out how completely jaded and unappreciative we are of the miracles of our daily modern life. Louis painted a familiar picture of how instead of being completely ga-ga over the miracle of the cell phone, we whine over a dropped call. He wonders why we aren't absolutely stuck to the airplane windows amazed by the fact that we moving through the air in a chair in the sky. Instead, we are impatient, grumpy and never satisfied with whatever we have.

One thing the kids of Infinite Family give me every day is perspective. They are totally over the moon about touching the keys on a keyboard and sending the words they labor to write zooming across the room in an email to a friend. They are proud and bashful at seeing their faces splashed across the computer screen and beamed around the world. They are absolutely amazed by the fact that some adult out there in the big wide world of "important stuff" wants to spend time with them...they who live small lives in shanty towns or orphanages struggling to attain the basic necessities of life.

This miracle of relationship is not lost on these kids. The encouraging words they hear, the advice filled emails they get, the smiles that are shared with them are not incidentals in their day. These interactions are a miraculous intervention in a humble life.

So, yes, Louis CK has nailed us...painted a completely accurate picture of our wanton disregard for the amazing life we live. But if you want a weekly reminder of the wonders of technology and the beauty of shared time -- look no further than Infinite Family.

(I'll give you the Louis CK link because I want you to lol, too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoGYx35ypus)