The Privilege of Struggle

In Memory of Sthandiwe

When I first travelled to Nkosi’s Haven in 2006, Sthandiwe was too sick to come to the computer lab.  I became acquainted with her through the photos taped to Heather’s office wall.  A little bushy haired girl in a pink sweater.  A slight child holding a teddy bear.  A little girl who crayoned words of affection and love for Gail, Heather and the staff at the Haven.

Standiwe struggled through her short life.  Struggled with an illness that takes so many.  Struggled with the challenges of being a teenager without a direction.  Struggled to find the love she so craved as an orphaned girl who’s heart never seemed to find enough…enough attention, enough love, enough loyalty to fill her up. 

Sthandiwe struggled.  Like so many teenagers all over the world, Sthandiwe struggled.  Her hard choices and missteps were not unusual or unique. 

But Sthandiwe’s struggle ended too soon.   Today, Sthandiwe is at peace.  

Being at peace is not a goal the living should fulfill at the age of 20-anything. 

Being at peace is the absence of struggle.  And struggle is part of living.  Struggle is what we do.  Struggle is a symptom of the resilient, always-seeking human spirit.  Sthandiwe’s young soul would not let her settle.  It pushed her to seek out the answer to questions that are planted in all of us.

Who will love us?  Will we realize and use our God-given gifts?  Who will admire us for our strengths and in spite of our faults?  Where will we find fulfillment for our restless spirit?  

Sthandiwe did not get to answer those questions. 

Sthandiwe’s struggle ended too soon, before she could find the answers, fill her spirit, live into her promise.  

That is the fault of the virus, of AIDs.  Not the fault of Sthandiwe.

So, please, do not blame her struggle for the shortness of her life.  Blame the virus.  

We will miss her.  We mourn that her questions will not be answered, her gifts unrealized, her love left unfound.

Sthandiwe‘s struggle was rewarded with peace. 

Peace is the reward of the dead. 

Let us strive for the reward of the living.  Let us be grateful for the privilege to struggle and strive and live into finding our own answers for the questions planted within us.    

 And in our struggle, let us strive also for a cure.  An end to the bringer of untimely peace.  An end to HIV.

 

The Lazarus Effect: New Life through a Blog

When we were designing the blog on the Ezomndeni Net, the password protected internet platform where Net Buddies and their mentors interact, we had no idea how it would be used. We were hopeful that the children would write about their lives. We were hoping they would practice their English and improve their grammar skills. We hoped that it would be a forum for exchanging ideas.

Our hopes were not only realized, but exceeded beyond our imaginings.

The children are giving us their rawest emotions, their deepest hurts, their highest hopes...their dreams.

I've shared some of the posts. I've shared some of the trust that the children are placing in the community of Infinite Family.

The words jump from the page in neon green, or rainbow fonts. They are punctuated with smiley faces.

The words are misspelled. Capitalization is ignored. The blogs stand stark and bold, quickly offered snapshots of their internal world.

We are given such a gift in these words. Amazingly tender reflections on their brothers and sisters and grandmothers. Sweeping wisdom in the span of four lines.

We are very blessed by these children. Not just us, the community of Infinite Family, but the world. What these children have to teach us from their perspective and experience of life is so profound. Life lived without a mother. Life lived in the grips of poverty and deprivation. But life still lived. Lived fully. Lived with hope. Life lived with threadbare shirts ironed crisply, symbols of their intention to succeed. Their spotless school uniforms ask with dignity that they be taken not just seriously, but demand that we see them in terms of their intentions for themselves.

And they intend BIG things. Pilots, doctors, lawyers. Social workers, actors, writers.

Their crisply ironed shirts and the well groomed hair are what they can control in their lives. It is their way to say to the world...I am. I am this boy here. This boy with the clean face and the completed homework. I am not to be defined by the hunger I experience. I am not to be defined by the virus that runs through my veins. I am who I choose to be.

And I choose life.

I choose a future.

The pain is knowing how little choice they may have.

We need to make choices available to them. The choice to live a life extended by affordable medication. The choice to be able to use their skills and talents and passions to impact their world...their families, their communities, their country.

I want these children to impact my life, my world, the future. I want these children to be the leaders of their country. I believe in these children. Passionately believe in them.

I want you to believe in them, too.

We make it easy. 30 minutes a week from the comfort of your own home. A computer, a webcam and a headset...the tools to change your life...change a child's whole world...and our world, too. And if you don't have the time, support someone who does by giving a donation to IF on our website: www.infinitefamily.org

CNN Selects Amy Stokes as First “CNN Hero” of 2011

Founder of Infinite Family recognized for establishing only mentoring program using weekly video conversations to foster long-term nurturing relationships

New York, NY – January 13, 2011 – CNN today kicked-off its fifth annual “CNN Heroes” campaign, which seeks to identify ordinary individuals who go to extraordinary lengths to serve others, by announcing that it has selected Amy Stokes, Founder and Executive Director of Infinite Family, as the first CNN Hero of 2011. Pioneering an innovative approach to mentoring, Amy has been recognized for her efforts to connect African children affected by HIV/AIDS and poverty with mentors around the world using video technology.

Through Infinite Family, an international organization she founded in 2006, Amy is dedicated to using technology as a way for adults around the world to nurture and support children challenged by HIV/AIDS and poverty who have little support and are faced with few choices. Without the appropriate life-skills and guidance, it would be nearly impossible for these children to grow up to be successful leaders of their families, their communities, and their countries.

By providing such key resources and support networks, Infinite Family inspires and motivates these children, allowing them to build the confidence, skills and global perspective that promote success. Today, early evaluations point to children’s clear gains in English, computer literacy, self-confidence, conflict resolution and problem solving skills. In addition, Infinite Family mentors report a uniquely inspiring experience and seek greater involvement. To learn more about Infinite Family and how you can become involved, please visit the newly-re-launched website at www.infinitefamily.org.

To read more about Amy and her work, please visit her dedicated profile page on CNNHeroes.com. A special broadcast tribute, “2011 CNN Heroes: Amy Stokes,” will also be airing according to the following schedule, breaking news contingent (please note that all times given are Eastern Standard Time):

Friday, January 14:

CNN: (*8a likely) 2pm

HLN: 6:30am, 6pm (*8p likely)

CNNi: 2a, 7a, 7p

Saturday, January 15:

CNN: 3p, 10p

HLN: 2p

Monday, January 17:

CNN en Espanol: 7p (more airs possible)

About CNN Heroes

CNN Heroes is a multiplatform campaign that shines a spotlight on everyday people who are changing the world. In 2010, the campaign received over 10,000 submissions from more than 100 countries. The Top 10 CNN Heroes will be selected later in the year by an esteemed Blue Ribbon Panel, which in 2010 included the likes of Muhammad Ali, Sir Richard Branson, Chris "Ludacris" Bridges and Ricky Martin, among other humanitarians. More information on CNN Heroes, please visit: http://www.CNNHeroes.com.

About Infinite Family

Infinite Family is an international organization that connects African children affected by HIV/AIDS and poverty, one on one, with mentors from around the world through video technology.  Via webcams, computers, and a secure, interactive internet platform, caring adults around the world see and speak weekly with their “Net Buddies,” motivating them to define and work toward their goals and helping them learn academic, technology and life skills. It starts with a face-to-face weekly conversation through the computer, but quickly becomes so much more. The impact of these relationships is profound on both ends of the relationship, expanding interest in all things South African through its mentor base in five countries, including South Africa, and across the U.S.

Infinite Family NGO partners include group homes and after-school programs with outreach to Berea, Alexandra and Soweto townships and informal settlements.  Early evaluations point to children’s clear gains in English, computer literacy, self-confidence, conflict resolution and problem solving skills. In addition, Infinite Family mentors report a uniquely inspiring experience and seek greater involvement.

Infinite Family is a 501c3 charity. All donations are fully tax-deductible. To learn more, please visit the Infinite Family website at: http://www.infinitefamily.org.

Infinite Family: Changing the world one video conversation...and poem...at a time!

Tekomodise loves writing his blogs on Infinite Family’s Ezomndeni Net.  He writes about kind strangers on the streets of Soweto and his adventures with his friends at school, but recently, when his writing took on an angry tone, Infinite Family video mentor Barbara Scott, grew concerned. 

Barbara knew that Tekomodise would arrive breathless at their weekly video conversations, having run to the computer lab all the way from school.  Barbara knew that their 30 minutes together each week was so precious that Tekomodise didn’t want to miss a minute.

When Tekomodise began to share his sadness and loneliness, Barbara wanted to find something she could give him, some present that would carry him through their time apart to encourage him when he felt most hopeless.

So Barbara wrote Tekomodise a poem.  As Infinite Family’s gift to you this holiday season, we would like to share with you Tekomodise’s present from Barbara, her poem. 

Tekomodise’s Present

There was a young man sitting on the steps all alone,  

He was angry at his life and he did not want to go home.

He felt no one understood him or cared about his needs,

He thought no one cared for him - his anger planted a seed.

A seed of fear, hatred and pain started to grow in his heart,

A feeling of sadness and loneliness seemed to never part.

Until one day God sent his Net Buddy, a forever friend far away, 

To bring the young man love and joy each and every Saturday.

His mentor wants to help him dream big dreams for tomorrow,

Think of all the possibilities of happiness with no more sorrow.

She wants to be there to share with him, experience and teach,

And tell him of all the opportunities that are close - within reach.

She knows that there is hope for brighter days to come,

Because she was once a little girl sitting on the steps all alone.

She had not many friends and a shack that she called home, 

No money for shoes, for games, or for fun.

But one day God blessed her with a mentor to call her own,

He taught her about all the things she could become when she was grown.

He believed in her future, before she believed it herself,

And now she lives her dreams and offers her Net Buddy help.

Dreams do come true, 

Faith replaces fear, 

Tekomodise, my dear Net Buddy, in my heart you are near.

Please consider giving this holiday season to support the relationships between struggling young teenagers in South Africa and generous and kind adults around the world.  Help Infinite Family change the world with one video conversation – and one poem -- at a time. 

 Wishing you and all you love a very joyous holiday season

   from Infinite Family! 

British Telecommunications Refurbishes New Infinite Family Computer Lab at Nkosi's Haven Village!

BT HELPS CHILDREN AND MOTHERS OF NKOSI’S HAVEN IN SOUTH AFRICA REACH FOR A BETTER FUTURE

BT South Africa today announced the official opening of a communications centre at the Nkosi’s Haven Village for HIV positive mothers and children in Alan Manor, south of Johannesburg.

            The brand new BT-sponsored facility provides resident teenagers with video-conferencing technology enabling them to chat with their mentors and buddies around the world, share photos and video and get help with homework remotely by using modern collaboration tools.

            The Nkosi’s Haven communications centre has been developed in partnership with Infinite Family, a US-based organisation that connects children infected or orphaned by HIV/AIDS with adult video mentors in South Africa and around the world using a secure Internet platform. More than 50 children from the Nkosi’s Village will take part in the programme.

The facility will also be used to train up to 30 mothers in computer skills, broadening their chances of finding employment outside of Nkosi’s Haven.

Keith Matthews, general manager, BT South Africa, said at the opening ceremony, “BT is proud to be involved in this project as it reaches the most vulnerable in our society. The project enables youngsters to significantly improve their career prospects by acquiring much needed computer skills. It is a logical continuation of our local involvement and builds on the previous work BT has done in the education area.”

 Gail Johnson, founding director of Nkosi’s Haven, believes the new facility will augment  the children’s ability to communicate confidently and effectively with their Net Buddies from all walks of life.

Gail Johnson said, “Nkosi’s Haven is grateful for BT’s generous sponsorship. This new facility will help our kids stay in touch with their Infinite Family-approved mentors whose life training skills will improve their confidence and will equip them to overcome some of their disadvantages. Internet mentoring provides our kids with an opportunity to make many new friends around the globe and to broaden their horizons which will assist in making their lives a success.”

Amy Stokes, founder and executive director of Infinite Family, said: "Nkosi's Haven was our first, and is our strongest South African NGO partnership.  We love these children like our own and have been thrilled to watch them grow over the past four years from shy and confused teens into confident and vibrant young adults.  It is an honour to work and 'expand the family' with Nkosi's Haven and BT."

In addition to providing personal computers and networking equipment valued at R100,000 BT also made available its telepresence room at the company’s Bryanston office. Telepresence is a modern video conferencing technology that creates an illusion of the meeting participants being in the same room by deploying high-definition video and sound. Infinite Family and Nkosi’s Haven will use telepresence to conduct high-level group mentoring.

Keith Matthews added, “BT’s South African staff have rallied together to make this facility a success. Two weeks ago many of our staff volunteered to paint this facility inside and outside. It was a great opportunity for them to interact with the mothers and kids and to try and envisage the challenges that they live with and to appreciate how this new facility will impact on their lives.”

- ends -

About BT

BT is one of the world’s leading providers of communications solutions and services operating in more than 170 countries.  Its principal activities include the provision of networked IT services globally; local, national and international telecommunications services to our customers for use at home, at work and on the move; broadband and internet products and services and converged fixed/mobile products and services.  BT consists principally of four lines of business: BT Global Services, Openreach, BT Retail and BT Wholesale.

In the year ended 31 March 2010, BT Group’s revenue was £20,911 million.

British Telecommunications plc (BT) is a wholly-owned subsidiary of BT Group plc and encompasses virtually all businesses and assets of the BT Group.  BT Group plc is listed on stock exchanges in London and New York. 

For more information, visit www.bt.com/aboutbt

About Nkosi’s Haven

Inspired by Nkosi Johnson and founded by his foster mother Gail Johnson, Nkosi’s Haven and Friends opened its first doors in Berea, Johannesburg in 1999. The Nkosi’s Haven projects include: the urban facilities of Nkosi’s Haven and Friends and Nashua Nkosi’s Haven in Berea, the semi-urban Nkosi’s Haven Village in Allan Manor, and the rural Nkosi’s Haven Farm near Vereeniging. The Nkosi’s Haven projects can accommodate 350 HIV-infected mothers and children. All educational, medical and nutritional needs are met by the projects. Nkosi’s Haven is a registered NGO 008 - 995 and is audited by KPMG. The annual financial statements are available on request.

For more information, visit  http://www.nkosishaven.org/

About Infinite Family

Infinite Family is an international organization that inspires and motivates teens and pre-teens with very limited resources or support networks in South Africa, so they build the confidence, skills and global perspective that promote success.  A secure, highly-interactive online environment supports the video conversations between “Net Buddies,” adult video mentors and South African mentees.  Almost 300 South African teens and pre-teens have worked with video mentors to improve their academic, communication, technological and life skills since the organization was founded in 2006 by Amy Stokes. Infinite Family is registered as a 501(c)(3) non-profit charity in the United States.  Registration as a South African NGO is pending.  Annual financial statements are available upon request.

For more information, please visit www.infinitefamily.org  and view our videos at http://www.youtube.com/infinitefamily

Infinite Family Braai Benefit 2010

Siyabonga: Poet Engineer

Siyabonga wakes each morning to the gray light of early dawn seeping through the gaps between the corrugated metal & cardboard which make up the walls of his home.  He rises, dresses in his frayed school uniform and hurries to the open tap in the center of his community.  Siyabonga lives with his mother and younger brother in a squatter camp called Drummond on the outskirts of Johannesburg, South Africa.  He waits his turn to get water from the tap, the central ingredient in his morning tea, his only nourishment before trudging off to school.  

School is an almost 4 mile walk down the side of a busy, paved road.  Siyabonga composes poetry as he walks, committing each line to memory with each step.  A rhythm for his rhymes.  

Siyabonga worries about his upcoming matriculation exams.  He struggles with math and dreams  to go on to University to study engineering.  Without the proper books or instruction, he knows that passing the test will be close to impossible.  

A chaotic and crowded school day passes and a long walk home awaits him.  Siyabonga needs to hurry home to complete his homework and chores before darkness falls, as homework by kerosene light leaves him with headaches. 

 But before he heads home, Siyabonga makes a detour.  

Siyabonga navigates his way through a dusty field and across a swinging bridge over a ravine.  Then he climbs the steps to a small brick building with a satellite dish atop it.  He opens the door to a brightly painted room with computers distributed on desks throughout the room.  He hurries to a work station.  

Siyabonga types in the web address of Infinite Family’s Ezomndeni Net.  He signs in with his password, checks his email and quickly opens his blog page to add this morning’s carefully memorized poem to his blog.  With a few more clicks, he adjusts the webcam, puts on his headset and writes that same poem on the video conferencing room’s whiteboard as he anticipates the arrival of his Infinite Family Video Mentor, Chuck.  Soon, Chuck’s face emerges beside Siyabonga’s on the screen.  They smile and trip over each other’s words with the eagerness of their greetings.  

Chuck has found some practice tests for the matric exam on a website.  He shares his computer screen with Siyabonga so that he can see what the test looks like.  Siyabonga efficiently types the web address into the weblinks dialogue box.  He bookmarks the webpage and saves it in a file with his name on it.  Chuck praises Siyabonga’s poem and helps him polish the spelling of a few words.  They alternate between laughter and furrowed brows as they share the details of their weeks with one another.

Soon, their 30 minutes together comes to a close.  Siyabonga is encouraged on his walk home.  He has hope for the exams because his mentor, a man he has only ever seen on a computer screen, is actively advocating for him.  

Cars speed past this lanky boy headed back to his shack, one of so many boys in so many shacks.  But this boy knows he is different.  This boy knows that a community of caring adults reads his carefully constructed and heartfelt poems.  This boy knows that a man who lives in Pittsburgh, PA has his picture on his mantle and spends time each week working to make Siyabonga’s dreams come true.  Dreams of a future that don’t have him walking home to a shack, but have him entering a University classroom and a whole new world of opportunity.

This boy and so many boys and girls just like Siyabonga are learning the geography of an email field and the limitless possibilities of technology.  They are using the resources of the internet to expand their horizons and support their community.  The growing community of Infinite Family Net Buddies are overcoming these obstacles with the love, insight and opportunity presented to them by the Video Mentors of Infinite Family.  

We ask you to become involved with this groundbreaking intervention in the life of children so often forgotten in our world.  With just a few hours each month, from the comfort of your own home, you can help to open the door to new opportunities for children just like Siyabonga.   

Visit our website and become a Video Mentor or support the work of Infinite Family with your tax deductible contribution.  

Infinite Family, where the gift is you!

New Life for a Net Buddy

Ayanda lived in a crime-ridden apartment building, with no furniture, little food and no parents.  After losing his father and then his mother to HIV/AIDs, he and his younger brothers were moved to Nkosi’s Haven.  Ayanda was shy, awkward, and traumatized by his experience. 

At Nkosi’s Haven, things improved significantly, but he stayed “at the back of his class”, distracted and unmotivated.  That is, until he met Betty and Dave Voigt, who live in a log cabin in Sycamore, PA.  Within six months of their video mentoring relationship, which began in June of 2006, Ayanda was at the head of the class.   By the end of 2007, he was “Head Boy,” the highest title awarded in a class.  He remained “Head Boy” until graduating from High School in 2008. 

Off to university, Ayanda struggled.  His long-time dream of working in IT (information technology) seemed to come to a halt.  But through Infinite Family and our friends at Bombardier Transportaion, who knew Ayanda through the career development program he participated in with them, an interview was arranged.  

Just two weeks after the interview, Ayanda was hired as the first man in their previously female-dominated Learnership program.  

Ayanda’s supervisor at Bombardier reports :

Ayanda is confident, has started helping people on his own now, and is really becoming a part of the Bombardier family. Ayanda really impressed me at our last induction session where he got up and told a group of strangers his life story. He really has achieved so much and I must admit that I am sure he will go really far!

In addition, they have drafted him to play lead on the company’s soccer squad!  

Ayanda reports that that he works hard, has made lots of new friends, takes notes every day on what he is learning, and will be helping to manage the network when one of the IT members leaves at the end of the month.  He calls it his “new life.” 

He also wrote that he will be part of the Bombardier team that is going to build a house in an apartheid era township outside of Johannesburg.  

Ayanda says, “I hope I build a strong house for them so that it can be a home for them, that I didn’t have of my own.  I will make sure it is a strong house.”

With your help, Infinite Family can continue to inspire and guide South Africa’s teens to work toward their futures.  Give today, to support the work that inspires & prepares the South African leaders of tomorrow!

Africa After Work!

AFRICA AFTER WORK AND INFINITE FAMILY ARE JOINING FORCES FOR A HAPPY HOUR EVENT ON SEPTEMBER 14TH! JOIN US FOR DRINKS AND MEET LIKE MINDED INDIVIDUALS IN A FUN, UPBEAT AND EDUCATIONAL ENVIRONMENT! $15 IN ADVANCE OR $20 AT THE DOOR INCLUDES ONE DRINK: RED OR WHITE WINE, PROSECCO, OR BEER Additional drinks - cash bar Infinite Family, a 501c3 charity, is the only mentoring program using weekly video conversations to establish long-term nurturing relationships. These relationships with adults internationally are designed to inspire and motivate teens and pre-teens with very limited resources or support networks in Sub-Saharan Africa, so they build the confidence, skills and global perspective that promote success. www.infinitefamily.org All for Africa, a 501 (c) 3 organization, takes a collaborative approach to poverty reduction by working with the private sector to foster projects that generate economic and social benefits in the communities in which they are located. Our programs focus on agriculture, clean water, community health, education, energy, environmental impact, micro-financing and skills training/livelihood creation www.allforafrica.org Africa After Work is a Business and Social Networking opportunity for professionals, students and entrepreneurs in the New York Metro Region who are interested in Africa and African development. http://www.allforafrica.org/joinin/africa-after-work/ When:  Tuesday September 14, 6-8pm Where:  44 1/2 626 10th Avenue Between 44th and 45th New York, NY 10036 Fee:  $15 includes a complimentary drink Click here for online reservations: http://www.infinitefamily.org/event