Does Santa Come to Africa?

The kids of Infinite Family have lots of exposure to western culture. They LOVE Beyonce and Alicia Keyes. They are gaga over Zac Efron and Miley Cyrus. They can belt out their tunes and mimic their dances moves.

One young girl via email, insisted I introduce her to Halle Berry so that Halle could help her with her dream of becoming an actress. When I explained that wasn't possible because someone like me would never know someone like the academy award winning Ms. Berry...she couldn't accept that. In email after email, she expressed her surprise and disappointment that I would hold out on her like this.

In light of this misapprehension of American culture, I use some of my time during computer training to encourage questions from the Infinite Family kids about anything "American".

No longer focused on their computer screens, the children turn to me as the fount of all wisdom. The questions come at lightening speed:

"Why are your taxis in America all yellow?"

"Why do Americans ask so many questions?"

"How can one person live in an apartment all by themselves?"

And "Is Santa Claus real?"

As the last question was asked, the room, formerly awash with raised hands and eager faces, became solemn and quiet.

This was a serious question. The children wanted a definitive answer.

But what they really were asking was:

If Santa was real & visited the children of the US, then why didn't the jolly old elf come to visit them? Did they not merit a Christmas miracle? Weren't their Christmas wishes important to Saint Nicholas?

Did Santa not visit them because they were bad or undeserving?

Up until that moment, I never imagined that the Santa story could be so hurtful.

The myth and magic that grown-ups weave is never meant to hurt. But sometimes, it does.

Just a few years ago, when my daughter finally decided to stop believing in the magic of Santa, I explained to her that she was now responsible to embody the magic. By embodying the magic through giving exceptionally and selflessly, you become Santa.

I know we all try to do this for those we love. We try to give exceptionally. We try to give without a thought for ourselves. We all try to extend and embody the myth to those outside of our homes, outside of our communities...to extend the myth of magic to those who have so little magic in their lives.

Facing the somber-faced children in the tin-roofed, concrete block computer lab, I still needed to give them an answer.

So I told them, if Santa was real, he would NEVER FORGET them. You, beautiful and beloved, would never be forgotten by a benevolent and bountiful Santa Claus.

How are we embodying the magic, extending the bounty, this season? One option is to extend yourself to the children of Infinite Family. Weekly video conversations with a child longing for adult attention and the opportunity to make their own dreams come true, gives you the opportunity to embody the magic like nothing else.

Thank you for being Santa this season...to those in your home, in your community and those in tin-roofed shacks in Africa!

www.infinitefamily.org

Exuberant Thanks Giving!

Infinite Family would like to share with you evidence of hope growing in the midst of the most challenging of circumstances. Please enjoy this video as our thanksgiving for all you do each and every day of the year!

Service is the Rent we Pay for Living on this Earth

In a letter to her family, Frances, one of Infinite Family's video mentors writes:

"I am mentoring a South African teenager who has been orphaned by the AIDS epidemic. What does that mean? I sign in to a secure website and tell Moses about my week, ask him about his, talk to him about school, about girls, about fighting and problem resolution, about books to read. I am a grown-up that is just his to trust.

Infinite Family's tag line is "The gift is you" This doesn't cost you any money (although donations are always needed). You just have to participate in some online training, get a criminal background check and spend 30 minutes a week engaged with a teenager who has no adult in his life.

...As Thanksgiving approaches, we count our blessings and realize that we have much to be thankful for. Service is the rent we pay for living on this earth. This is a way you can pay up. I certainly get more out of this than I give. You will too."

Service is the rent we pay for living...what a great thought on this week leading up to Thanksgiving. If each of us were to take this thought to heart, we would live our lives knowing that giving back is not an option but an obligation.

So, I invite you to give back (or to use Frances' phrase "pay rent") by involving yourself with Infinite Family. You can do that by giving 30 minutes a week as a mentor or by giving $3 a week as a donor. Either way, your "rent" will make a huge difference in the life of a southern African child growing up alone.

You can learn more about becoming a video mentor and learn how you can make a big impact with a gift to Infinite Family by visiting our website at www.infinitefamily.org.

And if you haven't visited for awhile, please check out our website...brand new and improved!!!

Thanks for reading, for passing this on and for your acts of service this year at Thanksgiving!

Dana

Best Mentors in the World!

Dick is admittedly not a "techie". He lives in Pittsburgh, is an accomplished professional, has an active life in his church, community and with his far-flung family. Each week, Dick turns on his computer, navigates to Infinite Family's Ezomndeni Net, logs in with his password, adjust his webcam, and chats with Comfort, who lives in an orphanage in South Africa.

Dick is one of almost 125 volunteer "video mentors" with Infinite Family. He has been having video conversations with Comfort, a 13 year old boy living outside of Johannesburg, for 2 years now. They meet face-to-face, using Infinite Family's secure internet platform, to share their lives and plan for Comfort's future using the magic of technology.

Here is what Dick has to say about his experience as a Video Mentor with Infinite Family:

"IF gave me an opportunity to have a positive influence, however small, on a young person living in a country full of pain and sorrow. It helps overcome my sense of despair about the many difficulties faced by people living in poverty everywhere. Comfort is a bright spirit, both mischievous and shy, who is as unpredictable as any teenager anywhere. He wants to be a pilot, loves playing rugby and is discovering girls and vice versa. I strive to be attentive to his moods, accept that he won’t always show up on time or have much to say. In these and many other ways he has taught me that “it’s not about me” or in one word, humility. It’s all about him, and that’s the way it should be.

For those contemplating becoming a Net Buddy Mentor, I would stress the importance of making this commitment a priority for it is our being there each week that counts as much or more than what we say in our video conversations."

He concludes by saying:

"Infinite Family is expanding so it needs more trained mentors. There is a long waiting list of children eager to have a caring adult available to them on a regular basis, someone who listens, who consoles and who encourages them. If you think you might be interested, you can do several things. One is to check the IF web site, www.infinitefamily.org. Finally, Dana Gold would be glad to discuss IF with you at dana.gold@infinitefamily.org.

A child in South Africa would love to meet you."

Couldn't have said it any better, Dick!

Infinite Family. Where the Gift is You!

Want to tour the Ezomndeni Net?

We'd love to show you around!

Every month Infinite Family holds an "open house" of sorts. We open our virtual doors and show you around the Ezomndeni Net, the social networking platform where our video mentors and Net Buddies meet. You get to glimpse Infinite Family's little corner of the internet, where kids growing up alone in South Africa connect to caring adults from around the world.

During these free webinars, you can see proud children sitting at computers and changing their lives with a keyboard, webcam and a mentor who cares enough to guide them through the tough teen years made harder by poverty & HIV/AIDS.

Give us 30 minutes and we'll introduce you to the world of Infinite Family. You will log on to the Ezomndeni Net where all our mentors and Net Buddies meet each week to talk, laugh and share their lives.

This month, our virtual open house will be held on:
October 15th at 7pm EST
or
October 16th at 11am EST

RSVP to dana.gold@infinitefamily.org for the log in information.

We can't wait to show you around!

Infinite Family, Infinite Possibilities!

Dying Empty....Revisted

Self-sacrifice. Humility. Gratitude. Strength. Character. Hope. These are some of the ingredients that make up the heroes of the orphan crisis in South Africa.

Gab’sile Khoza, founder and director of Siyagibisa in Tembisa township, holds court today. She expounds with great pride on the accomplishments of the children in her care. The thief that turned assistant. The shy, hesitant boy who emerges from life in a shack to become a confident and calm young man. Gab’sile Khoza tells us she wants to die empty.

We stop her. What does that mean, to die empty?

To die empty is to take all the wisdom, love, spirit, courage, hope and ability that is planted within us and to give it all away before we die. Gab’sile points to her womb and then fans her fingers out as if spreading seeds upon fertile ground. I want to die empty, she says again.

Tony Gloria, I believe, is living to die empty

With barely enough space in this tiny corner of a four room Soweto house to maneuver from door to closet, we were ushered into Tony Gloria’s little piece of heaven…her bedroom. Her heaven is a mattress on the floor with three pillows and three small stuffed dolls. That bed is shared and treasured by Tony, her daughter and her 15 year old granddaughter. They claim it as their treasure. They count themselves lucky, blessed, fortunate. That bed is all that is left of personal space for them. The other three rooms of that small Soweto house are all given over to the feeding, care and nurture of over 400 children who may not have parents, enough food to eat or much hope for their future. Tony Gloria is happy to plant her seeds of hope. She fans her fingers and lets fall the fertile seeds of her strength, character and hope. Tony Gloria is living to die empty.

Dying empty. A phrase of hope, a manner of living life, a goal, a mantra.

And though it may sound strange, I wish that all of us from Infinite Family might die empty. We thank you for fanning your fingers and letting your seeds of hope fall on fertile ground.

NOTE! This blog post was originally written during a October 2008 trip to SAfrica. I reposted because Infinite Family has exciting news! In October of this year, Infinite Family is opening a new site in South Africa! Specifically, we will be starting a partnership with Tony Gloria at Tsogang Sechaba. Since opening in 1999, Tony’s mission has grown from carrying meals in a wheelbarrow to children at the local school to today, where she feeds over 700 HIV/AIDS affected children 2 hot meals each day as well as providing them with psychological & educational support. Tony first heard about Infinite Family 2 years ago and has worked tirelessly to create a computer lab for the children of Soweto. In October, we will be putting the first children from Tsogang Sechaba in front of the computers. Needless to say, EVERYONE is very excited!

And so…now, more than ever…we need NEW MENTORS!!!

To meet the initial need at Tsogang Sechaba, we need 30 mentors to be trained by the end of October. We have training classes ready to go with plenty of room in each of them. Our first training starts on August 24th. The next training begins September 21st. We even have one starting October 19th! And don’t forget…trainings are all online!

HOW CAN YOU HELP?? We are asking each of you to consider becoming a mentor with Infinite Family. Or to tell someone who you think will be interested about Infinite Family's mission. Tell them about Tsogang Sechaba. Share this blog post with them. Everyone's participation is vitally important as we open this first Infinite Family site in Soweto.

Of course, we will continue to need more mentors as the site expands to include more and more eager children as Net Buddies. So, if this fall isn’t good…we’ve got classes year round!

Thank you for all you do…and thank you for spreading the word about Infinite Family!

The beauty of remoteness...

Ah, yes! The beauty of a remote desert island. The barren beauty of a desert sunset. Lonely. Uncluttered. Still. All adjectives brought to mind by the word "remote".

But now put the word 'remote' in another context. As in "working remotely". Somehow, the barren beauty of a desert...uncluttered, lonely, wide open...can't "remotely" describe what it is like to work from home.

Right now, I am sitting in a room that is about 8x6. My co-worker, Shannon Mischler's comment upon entering my little office was "Whoa! Think you could get anything else in here??" A desk, 2 office chairs, filing cabinet, computer armoire, & a storage cabinet make the space compact & cozy!

Separating all this from the 2nd floor hallway is an accordion door. Not exactly soundproof...so I can hear my daughter singing in the shower which is less than 4 feet from my chair.

Within the last hour, my son has come in to ask several questions about his "summer school" worksheets, his pokemon cards, his bakugan & to announce for about the millionth time this summer that he is bored.

So, you might wonder, how do I accomplish ANYTHING in all the confusion?

Well, today, I've plowed through most of the "To-Do" list. And quite honestly, I'm not feeling stressed or very interrupted at all!

One of the recent blogs I read on Toilet Paper Entrepeneur (Definitely worth checking out: www.toiletpaperentrepreneur.com) was entitled "155 Ways How To Work At Home Without Distraction". Quite a few of them revolved around not turning on the television or abandoning ship by fleeing to your local coffee shop. There were lots of practical suggestions -- someone even suggested working in bed!

I think one of the keys to working at home (and to just about everything else in life) is setting everyone's expectations appropriately. My kids know that what I do is important to me & important to the children Infinite Family serves in South Africa. They also understand that I earn our living with my work. So they respect my work time & work space...most of the time.

I also set my expectations for their behavior as clearly as possible. No fighting, no screaming & no rollerblades in the living room. And they respect the rules of behavior...most of the time.

I also have to have realistic expectations for myself. I am going to be interrupted. I am going to be distracted. I should not let myself get stressed out or turn into an obsessive over the minutes taken away with answering homework questions or admiring the "Moonlight Sonata" my daughter labored so hard to master this summer. And I honor those distractions the best I can...most of the time.

I also know that we who work at home actually are generally very focused & productive. I've worked in an office where I had many colleagues to chat with. I had a long walk to the copier room. I had to wait on tech support to fix my computer. Now, working from home, I even have fewer time-sucking meetings because people are much less apt to "meet" when it involves meeting on the phone. To put it bluntly, I get much more done working remotely than I ever did in an office!

Expectations & Balance. The ingredients that make most of life much easier.

Having shared my opinion, I now ask you to excuse me while I head downstairs & conduct a brief science experiment with my son.

The beauty of working remotely!

Volunteer Vacation

Recently, I've read a few FB posts where friends are reflecting on the long, lazy days of summer while others are bemoaning watching summer slip by from behind panes of hermetically sealed glass. Depending on your perspective, summer can be a break from the usual round of school activities and alarm clocks, or it can just be a more sunny backdrop to the world of spreadsheets, meetings and stress.

For me, it is a bit of a mix. As I write, I can hear the sound of lawn mowers, laughing children and birds singing...it's summer here in Pennsylvania and I've got the windows open to the world around me. So, even though the computer screen still glows before me, I do have the glow and the sounds of summer permeating my environment.

One of the important things we look forward to in these summer days, is TIME OFF. Whether we travel to a beloved holiday spot or stay at home, summer gives us the longed for opportunity to do the things we enjoy most by shedding our responsibilities for just a little while.

That kind of break is important. It is important for all of us. And dare I say it? It is very important for volunteers to take a break, too!

For our Net Buddies in South Africa, July is a cold, cold month. But it is holiday time for them, too. At the end of June, our Net Buddies have finished their mid-year school exams. Then they are off for a 3 week school holiday...a much deserved rest.

So, when our Net Buddies are away from school, they are also away from Infinite Family's computer labs. Which means, no video conferences, no writing email, no nothing.

It means that our mentors are on holiday from volunteering!

Although, Infinite Family mentors are usually eager for the break to be over so that they can get back to talking, laughing and enjoying their Net Buddy, I have to say, taking a break is very important for volunteers.

The time away from our responsibilities, even the one's we most enjoy, is important in bringing fresh perspective and renewed energy.

So, even though these twice yearly breaks are built into being a mentor with Infinite Family (there is another LOOONG holiday from December through mid-January), I've learned to accept them...and use them wisely.

I encourage our wonderful volunteers to enjoy these holiday breaks & turn time on it's head. So, instead of tea-time with Tshepo, have tea with a friend. Instead of a pre-Sunday brunch chat with Thuli, sleep in a bit longer. And then, come back to us, refreshed and ready to go!

I'll take my own advice, too...I promise! In fact, lunch in the backyard would be a wonderfully welcome change of perspective!

Witnessing = Responsibility

In the work I've done through the years, I've always been aware of the privilege I have to witness certain things in life usually hidden from large swaths of my peer group. The privilege of walking alongside men, women and children challenged by incredible life circumstances is humbling. I have always believed that everything I have witnessed has given me a responsibility...a responsibility not just to change myself or be personally inspired, but to be an interpreter to the larger world of these unique and humbling experiences.

Whether it is the daily victories of staying clean and sober celebrated by the crack addicted inner-city mother, or the more visible heroic efforts of Gail Johnson's Nkosi's Haven or Veronica Kgabo's Diepsloot School...all of these experiences bring with them a responsibility to share, reflect and interpret them to the larger world.

At one point in my travels to South Africa, I was unexpectedly brought into the sickroom of a woman struggling with HIV. As I sat on a low bench beside her mattress on the floor, I, the uninvited guest, was overwhelmed by my role as witness.

Mama, wrapped in tattered blankets, poured out her story of death and illness. Her youngest granddaughter had died the day before...just 6 months old. Her husband, sister, daughter, brother, son and another grandchild had all passed away within the previous 9 months. The woman interpreting all this from the end of the bed was explaining how she herself is no longer taking her ARV medications in order to have money for food for this ever diminishing household.

The interpreter told me I could take a photo. The mama wouldn't mind.

But I did. I minded being there, like a spectator or a tourist invited to take photos of the "natives". I minded my role -- like some kind of parasite feeding off of the human suffering of others.

But I had not asked to come there. I didn't even know where I was being taken when I walked in the home.

And so I witnessed a tragedy not so many people in my world ever see. And witnessing this very uncomfortable and tragic reality gave me a responsibility. A responsibility to tell you this heartrending story. A responsibility to bring you to that low bench in the dimly lit room with a fully realized woman not that much different than myself, pouring out her story to a stranger. I have to believe I was brought to witness her story just for this reason. For the reason that I would share this with you.

And now, it is your turn to take the role of witness seriously. It is your turn to be responsible with her story.

Witness the reality. Share the responsibility.

Pictures and Videos Speak Louder than My Words!

I wanted to try and capture some of the experience Zoleka and I had yesterday at both Tsogang Sechaba and Nkosi's Haven, and thought my own words could never be as powerful of the words of the Net Buddies themselves.

I hope that you are as moved and inspired by the relationships described by the children of Infinite Family as I am. I return from South Africa with Christina's words in my heart.

"Remember," Christina said to all the newly trained Net Buddies at Nkosi's Haven, "Infinite Family has a special name. Infinite means that something goes on forever. Infinite Family means that this is a family that reaches everywhere and our goes on forever. Our Infinite Family will not end."

With your support, we can make Christina's statement a promise. Infinite Family needs mentors, partners, financial supporters and friends. Let us know how Infinite Family has captured your imagination and heart by contacting me at dana.gold@infinitefamily.org.

As always, the Gift is YOU!