Become part of the great whole...

A good friend of mine read my latest blog and commented, “My reaction, and probably that of most of your readers, is what can we do to give these children so talented with words and a keyboard some hope and a viable future?”

That is a great question. And one I would like to answer by introducing you to Gail, one of Infinite Family’s wonderful volunteer mentors.

This week, Gail wrote the following letter to the editor of her local paper:
“"It's all about me" is a slogan that reflects our current culture. This focus on ourselves and our need to have the biggest and the best has put our country into an economic crisis. It is time to rethink our priorities.

I have learned many wonderful things from a young woman I mentor in South Africa through Infinite Family. She lives in a shelter and washes her clothes in a tub in the yard. One of her greatest delights is taking food to "the poor." By our standards, she herself would be considered poor but her standards are different. Her life is rich because she focuses on what she has, not on what she doesn't have. It is time for us to do the same.”

Gail continues on to talk about her choice in the upcoming presidential election.

So, what difference does this letter make? I think what Gail is showing us is a full circle, fully integrated experience that can result from plunging bravely in to do whatever we can to try to impact the world’s greatest hurts. Let me explain:

First, Gail got involved. She chose a way for herself to make a difference in the world…in the lives of the vulnerable, often orphaned, and impoverished children of South Africa.

Second, Gail shared her experience. She educates others by sharing what she has learned, describing what she has witnessed and encouraging others to get involved.
Third, Gail is applying what she is learning from the child who washes her clothes in a tub to her own situation. Gail is being inspired to examine her own life, patterns of consumption and view of the world and make changes. A sort of “live simply so others can simply live” experience.

And lastly, Gail is using what she has experienced to inform how she engages the larger world. She is writing to the paper. She is voting and she is keeping her elected officials informed of her priorities.

Now, one might say, “Good for Gail. What an admirable person!” and then leave it at that. But I say, if each one of us were to follow Gail’s lead, just imagine how powerful our collective experience would be?

If each of us found a way to involve ourselves, open ourselves and learn. If each of us plunged in and shared our experience and encouraged others to join us. If each of us were to do our small part, all our small parts would become part of a great whole.

Never underestimate the power of a single person.

These children are waiting for mentors. We need caring, adventurous adults who will take 30 minutes a week to mentor a child. You can harness the power of a single person and use it to make a huge difference in the life of that child.

You can become part of that great whole. Become part of Infinite Family.

The girls...

And what is more tragic than the boys of South Africa? Only the girls.

Oh my. The reed thin, bright eyed 12 year old girl who repeatedly stokes the leg of our 35 year old male staff member and asks him if he is married. E. who introduces herself on her blog with the story of her sexual abuse. F. who stiffens and pulls away as I place my hands on her shoulders. M. who writes me an email out of desperation, scared witless by her father’s threats that he will beat her with a club. And he does.

On “graduation” day, when we give the children a certificate of achievement for participating in Infinite Family’s training, we ask if any one would like to explain to the parents who come for the occasion, what IF is about. Several boys stand up to give speeches. No girls. I encourage the girls, looking directly at the most confident of them…with no response. One girl runs out into the courtyard, too embarrassed by the invitation to even stay in the room with her fellow students.

Gail Johnson, the Executive Director of Nkosi’s Haven, explains that only one third of the rapes committed in South Africa are ever actually reported. Therefore it is impossible to know if the estimated 250,000 that occur each year are an under-reporting or not.

The women bear the abuse, they bear the children and they bear the burden of providing for their families.

I have no poetry or analogies that can change these facts. They are heart-wrenching, sickening, depressing.

We who can, must guide these girls to a better future. We who care, must be there to help heal, to listen, to witness their pain. Many of these girls have never met a woman who wasn’t abused. Many of these girls accept this painful path as the only possibility for their future. We know another way. We must share it.

So, share. Share your vision. Share your hope. Share yourself.

Their gift is you.

Waiting for the Rains

Waiting for the rains. The whole of Johannesburg has been waiting for the rains. They should have started by now. October is the month for the rains to begin…but nothing comes. Barely a cloud graces the sky. We move slowly as the unrelenting sun beats down on us. It is so hot. So very scorchingly hot. The ground is baked brown, the grasses are stubble. We hear that the rains have come to Cape Town and Durban, but Johannesburg still waits.

Then tonight, as I sit working, I hear a rumble. Is someone moving furniture? Or is it thunder? I move outside to listen. The tell-tale flash of lightening splits the sky. The thunder grows more ominous. The first fat drops of rain raise the scent of dust as they hit the thirsty soil. I wait for the deluge, for the real rain to drench me as I stand expectantly with my face lifted toward the roiling clouds.

But nothing happens. The thunder dies away. The lightening disappears. The dust remains. The drops of rain evaporate without a trace.

Waiting for change. The whole of South Africa has been waiting for change. The people think that the changes should have occurred by now…for it has been a decade since independence…but it is too little, too late. There are new cement block homes built in the outskirts of Alexandra, but they are far out numbered by homes fashioned from tin and wire. There is freedom of movement, but not freedom from prejudice. There are more opportunities, but in a country where 30% is a passing grade in school, not enough people are adequately prepared to take advantage of those opportunities.

And so, we hear the thunder roar. Mbeki steps down from the presidency. The ANC threatens to split into two parties. Zuma, the heir apparent to the presidency, threatens violence against those who would oppose his control. The lightening of xenophobia rips across the land, leaving many innocent dead. There is roiling anger which rumbles through the townships as the frustration mounts. Change comes in small drops, not enough to satisfy the parched throats of those who hunger and thirst for justice.

We still have confidence that the rains will come eventually, but the changes? Will they come, too?

The children hope for the future. They sit before me and exude hope for their futures. I am surrounded by aspiring engineers, social workers and entrepreneurs who believe in the opportunities that await them. These children are not bitter about their government. They speak with pride about their country. When I ask the children what makes South Africa special they use words like, freedom, culture, opportunity, diversity. As I watch these talented and beautiful children learn new skills, open up to new ideas and adventurously plunge forward into the world of Infinite Family, I wonder…when does all this hopefulness become bitterness? What makes the optimism wilt away?

But like the rains, we must water their hope and nourish their optimism. We must be the rain that feeds their parched souls as they hunger for attention, advice and affirmation. For without the rain of love that we can offer, there will be a drought of hope in this land of South Africa.

“Be the change you wish to see in the world.” Didn’t a wise South African man named Ghandi say that? Proud culture. Proud history. Bright future?

Hoping with you...and waiting for the rains!

Dana

The Boys of South Africa

We dodge down the streets listening to L., our driver, on the way to Alexandra. We swerve around vendors hawking their wares, the women and children palms out and waiting for spare change, the honking mini-van taxis, the pedestrians pouring off the sidewalks and the uniformed children on the way to school. L. is telling us his story. The story of a single man in South Africa, working in a factory to support his two small daughters, barely putting enough food on the table and watching the men around him taking the easy way out...surrendering themselves to alcohol, dangerous schemes and a licentious life.

L. is railing against his country men. He declares them unwilling to work. Unable to accept that success comes from persistence and incredible effort. He says the men of his country want only a handout...not a hand up.

I ask L., as we crawl past the shacks of Alexandra, alongside the entrepreneurial businesses that struggle to stay upright beneath the press of homes that surround them, "Why? Why have the men of South Africa so totally given up on themselves and their futures?

His answer is unsatisfying. He believes it is "the nature of the men of South Africa." What a fatalistic sentence to inherit along with the chromosome that determines gender!

But L. is right...no one can deny his perspective is not fueled by experience and truth. The residue of apartheid is not just seen in the incredible inequity between the desperate poor and the very wealthy. The residue of apartheid is seen in the fragile family structures shaken to their roots by the forced separation of parents from one another and parents from their children. The psychological residue of apartheid, a system that took away freedom of movement, freedom of choice and freedom of self-determination, will take at least a generation to recover from.

And then, after wending our way through the densely packed streets of Alexandra, we arrive at Realogile High School to train some new Net Buddies. We crowd into a small room partitioned off on one end of a baking hot container, full of children all eager to learn more about Infinite Family.

In the computer room, 2 sixteen year old boys, Sizwe and Daddy, are eager to start. Their fingers jump swiftly over the keyboards, filling their profiles and writing emails. They are keen and clever with the computers. Later, in the container room with me, Daddy's clear, concise, intelligent prose blows me away. I tell him he is born to be a lawyer! He laughs with delight!

I want to go and fetch L.. I want him to witness the shining eyes and eager spirits of these boys. These boys who are longing for the right man to guide them...to show them the way...to keep from the crooked path and help them to realize their dreams for the future.

What Daddy needs, what Sizwe needs, what every young boy and girl needs is attention. A concerned, invested, admiring adult to be there...to believe in them...to encourage and support them. The stranglehold of apartheid does not have to claim these children, too. We are seeing the difference. Boys and girls thinking beyond matric and focusing on a future they would not have believed within their grasp, but because of the mentors of Infinite Family, they are becoming the children of hope...the leaders of tomorrow.

Until tomorrow...

Dana

Seventh Street Guesthouse Perspective

Seventh Street Guest House….

I am so aware of Shannon’s “first day” perspective on South Africa. The nice homes, the big city lights, the sophisticated billboards…all the glam of Johannesburg. It looks so lovely and modern….so European…so expected, that Shannon proclaims a lack of culture shock.

As we walk from the guesthouse, past the homes with the modern sculptures and backyard pools…we pass a walkway lined with the graceful and fragrant blossoms of the bougainvillea. I reach out to trace the petals of a bloom and find just beneath the blossoms the geometrical outline of gleaming razor wire.

The danger beneath the beauty.

So much of South Africa is beautiful. The rich, cultural heritage. The modern, booming economy. The lovely, sophisticated cities. The vibrant art and intricate history. But running just beneath the surface is fear and danger.

Fear engendered from living in a country of have’s and desperate have-nots. Fear that comes from promises made to right old injustices that haven’t been realized rapidly enough. Fear that grows out of political turmoil in a nascent democracy. Fear that is heard and felt and realized in home after home in every neighborhood throughout South Africa.

One of the communities where our net buddies live is about to be wiped out. M., S. and N. all live in an informal settlement that is being demolished in the near future. Where will they go? What will they do? When will it happen? No one has the answers. But the simple fact that these children will have their homes bulldozed by entrepreneurs bent on building a golf course is not to be questioned. These children live in fear of their future.

Today, M. and J. had an open house. They have sold their businesses and are leaving the country. They are moving themselves and their livelihoods to Vancouver. They are tired of living in fear. They are through with wondering when they will be attacked or car-jacked. They are done with wondering when the next awful, horrendous thing will happen in their country. This family is done living in fear of their future.

October in South Africa; the jacarandas are in bloom and the sun shines every day. We bask in the warmth of the sun and revel in the gracious hospitality of our Seventh Street Guesthouse proprietors. Yet we look over our shoulders as the bougainvillea graze over our fingertips. We are cautious. We are wary. We have seen the razor wire and the appraising glances. We read the headlines and know the risks. Yet we still have hope for South Africa’s future and that is why we are here.

Infinite Family brings hope to South Africa, one idealistic adult at a time. We bring you, with your faith and your concern, your tender love and nurture, to these children who live in a world of impermanence and fear.

One of our Net Families recently said, “Relationships can change the world.” We believe that. You believe that. Your Net Buddies believe that. That is why we all set aside a half hour each week to meet face to face. To prioritize a time to talk. To use our time, the biggest commodity of all, to invest in a relationship. A relationship with a child who lives in fear, whose future is uncertain, who has limited resources and few adults to guide them. Infinite Family relationships CAN change the world…the world of the children of Nkosi’s Haven, Refilwe and Alexandra.

You inspire us. You inspire your Net Buddies. You do indeed change the world….one relationship at a time.

Tomorrow – Shannon’s second day perspective…

Stay well!
Dana

Dying Empty, October 2007, Day 8

Self-sacrifice. Humility. Gratitude. Strength. Character. Hope. These are some of the ingredients that make up the heroes of the orphan crisis in South Africa.

Gab’sile Khoza, founder and director of Siyagibisa in Tembisa township, holds court today. She expounds with great pride on the accomplishments of the children in her care. The thief that turned assistant. The shy, hesitant boy who emerges from life in a shack to become a confident and calm young man. Gab’sile Khoza tells us she wants to die empty.

We stop her. What does that mean, to die empty?

To die empty is to take all the wisdom, love, spirit, courage, hope and ability that is planted within us and to give it all away before we die. Gab’sile points to her womb and then fans her fingers out as if spreading seeds upon fertile ground. I want to die empty, she says again.

Tony Gloria, I believe, is living to die empty

With barely enough space in this tiny corner of a four room Soweto house to maneuver from door to closet, we were ushered into Tony Gloria’s little piece of heaven…her bedroom. Her heaven is a mattress on the floor with three pillows and three small stuffed dolls. That bed is shared and treasured by Tony, her daughter and her 15 year old granddaughter. They claim it as their treasure. They count themselves lucky, blessed, fortunate. That bed is all that is left of personal space for them. The other three rooms of that small Soweto house are all given over to the feeding, care and nurture of over 400 children who may not have parents, enough food to eat or much hope for their future. Tony Gloria is happy to plant her seeds of hope. She fans her fingers and lets fall the fertile seeds of her strength, character and hope. Tony Gloria is living to die empty.

Dying empty. A phrase of hope, a manner of living life, a goal, a mantra.

And though it may sound strange, I wish that all of us from Infinite Family might die empty. We thank you for fanning your fingers and letting your seeds of hope fall on fertile ground.

Dana

Cha-Cha in the Garden, October 2007, Day 7

Well, we finally made it to Nkosi’s Haven. It always feels like coming home. It is amazing to think that these wonderful children were our very first Net Buddies…the very first in the world, to be exact! As we spend time with your beautiful buddies, it strikes me how much you’ve seen them change. You’ve watched their hair styles change, their computer confidence grow and their English blossom. You’ve learned their secret hurts and hopes. You’ve grumbled over frozen vc’s and stumbled over language differences together. You have heard about their days at school, their struggles with friends and maybe struggled with them yourself. You’ve done everything but touch them.

So today, they preformed for us. Dancing in the garden. Cha-cha, rhumba and jive blared from the boombox as a brick patchwork patio filled with children. And then they swayed and twirled, skirts swirling and toes pointing. Oh, what a sight. The joyous freedom of movement set to song.

And all I could think was how you’ve never seen your Net Buddies move…you’ve only seen them set into a small box on a computer screen. And yet, with just that much of them, you have created an amazing bond. A magical bond. Face to face, but never touching. Heads and shoulders, but never legs and arms. You’ve embraced them nonetheless. An embrace so enduring and so humbling.

So, I watched your Net Buddies dance today. They were beautiful.

You’re beautiful, too.

We thank you for what you do. And someday, we hope you, too, will see them dance.

Dana

Lessons Learned! Oct. 2007, Day 4

So, we learn our lesson from Saturday, right? We change the time from 8am and decide to go for a reasonable 9:00 am on Sunday. Especially after the vicious thunderstorm that boomed and roared for over 3 hours on Saturday night, all we could think was that children living precariously on a hillside in the most temporary of structures would have had a really bad night. So, when we show up a bit late on Sunday morning, we don’t really have very high expectations of anyone being on time.

SURPRISE! Instead of an empty computer room, or even one with the anticipated seven children from the squatter camps, what we have is a room crowded with twenty kids! Whoa. Regroup. Rethink. Act fast. Should we send half of them home? Not a chance. They were there, they were eager, and even though we really expected just 13 kids over the course of the next four days…twenty at once? Hey, go for it.

Micael triple teamed our Net Buddies-in-training on the five computers. He had our intrepid Noah staff , Nomaza and Melidah, as well as our two Net Fundi’s Piet and Christina, zipping from computer screen to computer screen…AND he had no lights. Oh well. Dark room, bright screens? That’s enough light to get by with…and as he said ¾’s of the way through on Monday, it felt “kind of cozy”, once you got used to it.

We found a few children who stood out as bright and shining stars. Winnie memorized her ORIGINAL password (remember the rocket code we handed out to you at the training??) and was logging on for her videoconference without any coaching at all. Siyanbonga and Mtuseni concluded that the American process of bankrolling elections was similar to auctioning our candidates to the highest bidder. Clifford couldn’t believe that a country as rich as ours could have a problem such as homelessness and not have the ability to solve it.

Tuesday is our last day at Refilwe. We will be matching the most recently trained Refilwe kids with our newest trained Net Families from Pittsburgh. What fun! And an added bonus...we now have a scanner at Refilwe! Ask the kids to scan in drawings, pictures and homework. Just hope the scanner doesn't bring the entire electrical system in the computer room to it's knees!

So, until tomorrow…when of course, we will continue to learn more lessons!

Best to the best!

Dana

Isn't it Saturday and aren't we in Africa? October 2007, Day 3

Our first day at Refilwe, Jaco with a completely deadpan face, said to us as we were detailing the complexity and timing of our schedule,“did you forget you were in Africa?”
Well, Saturday’s schedule called for an 8am start time. This necessitated bringing 20 children from the hive-like streets of Alexandra, herding them onto a bus and driving for almost an hour. What in heaven’s name were we thinking? Whose brain-baby was that? (Ahem, Micael?)

So, anyhow, everyone eventually showed up by 9:30…eager, well-rested and excited. Even though it was their day off, the adult staff of Noah, who had already survived two days of training with us, doggedly stood behind the children at the keyboards. Goodwill, Nomaza and Melidah patiently guided our future Net Buddies as they hunted and pecked their way through emails, typing games (thanks Shannon!) and webcam chats.

By the end of the day, all the children sat crowded into the little library for our graduation ceremony. After holding up the certificates and showing them the Infinite Family watches, I looked down at Mokodi to see tears streaming down her face even though she was smiling ear to ear. I knelt down and while wiping the tears, asked her why she was crying…and all she could do was laugh and hold onto my skirt.

The children cheered and clapped for one another as each of them came forward to accept their certificate proclaiming them to be official IF Net Buddies and accomplished users of the Ezomndeni Net.
After many photos and hugs, the children climbed aboard their bus and headed back home. But we know, that even though there are computers purchased and a plan in place for installation, we still don’t have enough Net Families for all these children.

Saturday, in your town. Wondering how you’ll get the errands run, the soccer games accomplished and still get the laundry done. Saturday in Africa. Children standing outside a shipping container, looking with longing at a computer screen, a webcam and another child, chatting and laughing with their Net Family.

How about it? A half an hour once or twice a week? It just can’t be that hard to schedule…after all we’re Americans…the ones who schedule 8am trainings for African children from shanty towns!

Pass it on! We’re ready for you!

Dana

The Original Vision -- October 2007 Day Two

You know all the promotional materials you see for IF that have us, Micael or Amy or I, training children on the computer? Well, that definitely has not been the original vision of what we hoped to achieve. What we hoped was that one day, we would have the adults who work with and look like the children of Infinite Family, training the children how to use the address book, teaching the difference between double and single clicking with a mouse, and showing them how to determine if the sound is working in their videoconferences. Well, today, we got one step closer to our dream.

For the last two days we have been training the staff of Noah and Refilwe – hugely impressive, dedicated, bright and inspiring people – some of them using computers for the very first time. As all of us know, when beginning the journey of familiarizing yourself with a keyboard, tool bars and all the various and sundry icons that populate any page on a computer, it can be overwhelming and intimidating. But after just six hours of training, with several of the staff skipping lunch to practice, we had four extra trainers when the children of Realogile showed up after lunch to begin their journey as new learners of technology.

Melidah hovered over the shoulder of Sibusisu guiding him as he typed in his password. Nomaza pointed out the choices on the toolbar to Malao. Goodwill made sure that Judith had the chat function “down” in the videoconference corner. Micael and I stood in awe as we watched our dream become a reality.

And then, in the library, where our fledgling Net Buddies learned more about the particulars of how being a Net Buddy works, they shared songs and dances, argued over who knew more about HIV, and encouraged each other with applause as they shyly or boldly shared what made them special.

One of their tasks was to create something that helped us understand what made their country of South Africa special. Colored pencil sketches of beaches and huts emerged from the white paper. Poems enwreathed with flowers and birds blossomed from the children’s creative imaginations. Songs of independence and pride filled the room.

I too shared what made South Africa special to me. I told these lovely, spirited, squirming and curious children that the greatest gift South Africa had to offer the world was them…all of them, sitting across from me, beaming with pride.

We are very fortunate to share in the very best of South Africa…our wonderful Net Buddies.

I think we all agree!

Go Well…as they say in these parts!

Dana