Monday, December 21, 2009

Does Santa Come to Africa?


The kids of Infinite Family have lots of exposure to western culture. They LOVE Beyonce and Alicia Keyes. They are gaga over Zac Efron and Miley Cyrus. They can belt out their tunes and mimic their dances moves.

One young girl via email, insisted I introduce her to Halle Berry so that Halle could help her with her dream of becoming an actress. When I explained that wasn't possible because someone like me would never know someone like the academy award winning Ms. Berry...she couldn't accept that. In email after email, she expressed her surprise and disappointment that I would hold out on her like this.

In light of this misapprehension of American culture, I use some of my time during computer training to encourage questions from the Infinite Family kids about anything "American".

No longer focused on their computer screens, the children turn to me as the fount of all wisdom. The questions come at lightening speed:

"Why are your taxis in America all yellow?"

"Why do Americans ask so many questions?"

"How can one person live in an apartment all by themselves?"

And "Is Santa Claus real?"


As the last question was asked, the room, formerly awash with raised hands and eager faces, became solemn and quiet.

This was a serious question. The children wanted a definitive answer.

But what they really were asking was:

If Santa was real & visited the children of the US, then why didn't the jolly old elf come to visit them? Did they not merit a Christmas miracle? Weren't their Christmas wishes important to Saint Nicholas?

Did Santa not visit them because they were bad or undeserving?

Up until that moment, I never imagined that the Santa story could be so hurtful.

The myth and magic that grown-ups weave is never meant to hurt. But sometimes, it does.

Just a few years ago, when my daughter finally decided to stop believing in the magic of Santa, I explained to her that she was now responsible to embody the magic. By embodying the magic through giving exceptionally and selflessly, you become Santa.

I know we all try to do this for those we love. We try to give exceptionally. We try to give without a thought for ourselves. We all try to extend and embody the myth to those outside of our homes, outside of our communities...to extend the myth of magic to those who have so little magic in their lives.

Facing the somber-faced children in the tin-roofed, concrete block computer lab, I still needed to give them an answer.

So I told them, if Santa was real, he would NEVER FORGET them. You, beautiful and beloved, would never be forgotten by a benevolent and bountiful Santa Claus.

How are we embodying the magic, extending the bounty, this season? One option is to extend yourself to the children of Infinite Family. Weekly video conversations with a child longing for adult attention and the opportunity to make their own dreams come true, gives you the opportunity to embody the magic like nothing else.

Thank you for being Santa this season...to those in your home, in your community and those in tin-roofed shacks in Africa!

www.infinitefamily.org

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Exuberant Thanks Giving!

Infinite Family would like to share with you evidence of hope growing in the midst of the most challenging of circumstances. Please enjoy this video as our thanksgiving for all you do each and every day of the year!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Service is the Rent we Pay for Living on this Earth


In a letter to her family, Frances, one of Infinite Family's video mentors writes:

"I am mentoring a South African teenager who has been orphaned by the AIDS epidemic. What does that mean? I sign in to a secure website and tell Moses about my week, ask him about his, talk to him about school, about girls, about fighting and problem resolution, about books to read. I am a grown-up that is just his to trust.

Infinite Family's tag line is "The gift is you" This doesn't cost you any money (although donations are always needed). You just have to participate in some online training, get a criminal background check and spend 30 minutes a week engaged with a teenager who has no adult in his life.

...As Thanksgiving approaches, we count our blessings and realize that we have much to be thankful for. Service is the rent we pay for living on this earth. This is a way you can pay up. I certainly get more out of this than I give. You will too."

Service is the rent we pay for living...what a great thought on this week leading up to Thanksgiving. If each of us were to take this thought to heart, we would live our lives knowing that giving back is not an option but an obligation.

So, I invite you to give back (or to use Frances' phrase "pay rent") by involving yourself with Infinite Family. You can do that by giving 30 minutes a week as a mentor or by giving $3 a week as a donor. Either way, your "rent" will make a huge difference in the life of a southern African child growing up alone.

You can learn more about becoming a video mentor and learn how you can make a big impact with a gift to Infinite Family by visiting our website at www.infinitefamily.org.

And if you haven't visited for awhile, please check out our website...brand new and improved!!!

Thanks for reading, for passing this on and for your acts of service this year at Thanksgiving!

Dana

Friday, October 23, 2009

Best Mentors in the World!


Dick is admittedly not a "techie". He lives in Pittsburgh, is an accomplished professional, has an active life in his church, community and with his far-flung family. Each week, Dick turns on his computer, navigates to Infinite Family's Ezomndeni Net, logs in with his password, adjust his webcam, and chats with Comfort, who lives in an orphanage in South Africa.

Dick is one of almost 125 volunteer "video mentors" with Infinite Family. He has been having video conversations with Comfort, a 13 year old boy living outside of Johannesburg, for 2 years now. They meet face-to-face, using Infinite Family's secure internet platform, to share their lives and plan for Comfort's future using the magic of technology.

Here is what Dick has to say about his experience as a Video Mentor with Infinite Family:

"IF gave me an opportunity to have a positive influence, however small, on a young person living in a country full of pain and sorrow. It helps overcome my sense of despair about the many difficulties faced by people living in poverty everywhere. Comfort is a bright spirit, both mischievous and shy, who is as unpredictable as any teenager anywhere. He wants to be a pilot, loves playing rugby and is discovering girls and vice versa. I strive to be attentive to his moods, accept that he won’t always show up on time or have much to say. In these and many other ways he has taught me that “it’s not about me” or in one word, humility. It’s all about him, and that’s the way it should be.

For those contemplating becoming a Net Buddy Mentor, I would stress the importance of making this commitment a priority for it is our being there each week that counts as much or more than what we say in our video conversations."

He concludes by saying:

"Infinite Family is expanding so it needs more trained mentors. There is a long waiting list of children eager to have a caring adult available to them on a regular basis, someone who listens, who consoles and who encourages them. If you think you might be interested, you can do several things. One is to check the IF web site, www.infinitefamily.org. Finally, Dana Gold would be glad to discuss IF with you at dana.gold@infinitefamily.org.

A child in South Africa would love to meet you."

Couldn't have said it any better, Dick!

Infinite Family. Where the Gift is You!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Want to tour the Ezomndeni Net?

We'd love to show you around!

Every month Infinite Family holds an "open house" of sorts. We open our virtual doors and show you around the Ezomndeni Net, the social networking platform where our video mentors and Net Buddies meet. You get to glimpse Infinite Family's little corner of the internet, where kids growing up alone in South Africa connect to caring adults from around the world.

During these free webinars, you can see proud children sitting at computers and changing their lives with a keyboard, webcam and a mentor who cares enough to guide them through the tough teen years made harder by poverty & HIV/AIDS.

Give us 30 minutes and we'll introduce you to the world of Infinite Family. You will log on to the Ezomndeni Net where all our mentors and Net Buddies meet each week to talk, laugh and share their lives.

This month, our virtual open house will be held on:
October 15th at 7pm EST
or
October 16th at 11am EST

RSVP to dana.gold@infinitefamily.org for the log in information.

We can't wait to show you around!

Infinite Family, Infinite Possibilities!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Dying Empty....Revisted


Self-sacrifice. Humility. Gratitude. Strength. Character. Hope. These are some of the ingredients that make up the heroes of the orphan crisis in South Africa.

Gab’sile Khoza, founder and director of Siyagibisa in Tembisa township, holds court today. She expounds with great pride on the accomplishments of the children in her care. The thief that turned assistant. The shy, hesitant boy who emerges from life in a shack to become a confident and calm young man. Gab’sile Khoza tells us she wants to die empty.

We stop her. What does that mean, to die empty?

To die empty is to take all the wisdom, love, spirit, courage, hope and ability that is planted within us and to give it all away before we die. Gab’sile points to her womb and then fans her fingers out as if spreading seeds upon fertile ground. I want to die empty, she says again.

Tony Gloria, I believe, is living to die empty

With barely enough space in this tiny corner of a four room Soweto house to maneuver from door to closet, we were ushered into Tony Gloria’s little piece of heaven…her bedroom. Her heaven is a mattress on the floor with three pillows and three small stuffed dolls. That bed is shared and treasured by Tony, her daughter and her 15 year old granddaughter. They claim it as their treasure. They count themselves lucky, blessed, fortunate. That bed is all that is left of personal space for them. The other three rooms of that small Soweto house are all given over to the feeding, care and nurture of over 400 children who may not have parents, enough food to eat or much hope for their future. Tony Gloria is happy to plant her seeds of hope. She fans her fingers and lets fall the fertile seeds of her strength, character and hope. Tony Gloria is living to die empty.

Dying empty. A phrase of hope, a manner of living life, a goal, a mantra.

And though it may sound strange, I wish that all of us from Infinite Family might die empty. We thank you for fanning your fingers and letting your seeds of hope fall on fertile ground.

NOTE! This blog post was originally written during a October 2008 trip to SAfrica. I reposted because Infinite Family has exciting news! In October of this year, Infinite Family is opening a new site in South Africa! Specifically, we will be starting a partnership with Tony Gloria at Tsogang Sechaba. Since opening in 1999, Tony’s mission has grown from carrying meals in a wheelbarrow to children at the local school to today, where she feeds over 700 HIV/AIDS affected children 2 hot meals each day as well as providing them with psychological & educational support. Tony first heard about Infinite Family 2 years ago and has worked tirelessly to create a computer lab for the children of Soweto. In October, we will be putting the first children from Tsogang Sechaba in front of the computers. Needless to say, EVERYONE is very excited!

And so…now, more than ever…we need NEW MENTORS!!!

To meet the initial need at Tsogang Sechaba, we need 30 mentors to be trained by the end of October. We have training classes ready to go with plenty of room in each of them. Our first training starts on August 24th. The next training begins September 21st. We even have one starting October 19th! And don’t forget…trainings are all online!

HOW CAN YOU HELP?? We are asking each of you to consider becoming a mentor with Infinite Family. Or to tell someone who you think will be interested about Infinite Family's mission. Tell them about Tsogang Sechaba. Share this blog post with them. Everyone's participation is vitally important as we open this first Infinite Family site in Soweto.

Of course, we will continue to need more mentors as the site expands to include more and more eager children as Net Buddies. So, if this fall isn’t good…we’ve got classes year round!

Thank you for all you do…and thank you for spreading the word about Infinite Family!

Friday, August 14, 2009

The beauty of remoteness...


Ah, yes! The beauty of a remote desert island. The barren beauty of a desert sunset. Lonely. Uncluttered. Still. All adjectives brought to mind by the word "remote".

But now put the word 'remote' in another context. As in "working remotely". Somehow, the barren beauty of a desert...uncluttered, lonely, wide open...can't "remotely" describe what it is like to work from home.

Right now, I am sitting in a room that is about 8x6. My co-worker, Shannon Mischler's comment upon entering my little office was "Whoa! Think you could get anything else in here??" A desk, 2 office chairs, filing cabinet, computer armoire, & a storage cabinet make the space compact & cozy!

Separating all this from the 2nd floor hallway is an accordion door. Not exactly soundproof...so I can hear my daughter singing in the shower which is less than 4 feet from my chair.

Within the last hour, my son has come in to ask several questions about his "summer school" worksheets, his pokemon cards, his bakugan & to announce for about the millionth time this summer that he is bored.

So, you might wonder, how do I accomplish ANYTHING in all the confusion?

Well, today, I've plowed through most of the "To-Do" list. And quite honestly, I'm not feeling stressed or very interrupted at all!

One of the recent blogs I read on Toilet Paper Entrepeneur (Definitely worth checking out: www.toiletpaperentrepreneur.com) was entitled "155 Ways How To Work At Home Without Distraction". Quite a few of them revolved around not turning on the television or abandoning ship by fleeing to your local coffee shop. There were lots of practical suggestions -- someone even suggested working in bed!

I think one of the keys to working at home (and to just about everything else in life) is setting everyone's expectations appropriately. My kids know that what I do is important to me & important to the children Infinite Family serves in South Africa. They also understand that I earn our living with my work. So they respect my work time & work space...most of the time.

I also set my expectations for their behavior as clearly as possible. No fighting, no screaming & no rollerblades in the living room. And they respect the rules of behavior...most of the time.

I also have to have realistic expectations for myself. I am going to be interrupted. I am going to be distracted. I should not let myself get stressed out or turn into an obsessive over the minutes taken away with answering homework questions or admiring the "Moonlight Sonata" my daughter labored so hard to master this summer. And I honor those distractions the best I can...most of the time.

I also know that we who work at home actually are generally very focused & productive. I've worked in an office where I had many colleagues to chat with. I had a long walk to the copier room. I had to wait on tech support to fix my computer. Now, working from home, I even have fewer time-sucking meetings because people are much less apt to "meet" when it involves meeting on the phone. To put it bluntly, I get much more done working remotely than I ever did in an office!

Expectations & Balance. The ingredients that make most of life much easier.

Having shared my opinion, I now ask you to excuse me while I head downstairs & conduct a brief science experiment with my son.

The beauty of working remotely!

Friday, July 10, 2009

Volunteer Vacation


Recently, I've read a few FB posts where friends are reflecting on the long, lazy days of summer while others are bemoaning watching summer slip by from behind panes of hermetically sealed glass. Depending on your perspective, summer can be a break from the usual round of school activities and alarm clocks, or it can just be a more sunny backdrop to the world of spreadsheets, meetings and stress.

For me, it is a bit of a mix. As I write, I can hear the sound of lawn mowers, laughing children and birds singing...it's summer here in Pennsylvania and I've got the windows open to the world around me. So, even though the computer screen still glows before me, I do have the glow and the sounds of summer permeating my environment.

One of the important things we look forward to in these summer days, is TIME OFF. Whether we travel to a beloved holiday spot or stay at home, summer gives us the longed for opportunity to do the things we enjoy most by shedding our responsibilities for just a little while.

That kind of break is important. It is important for all of us. And dare I say it? It is very important for volunteers to take a break, too!

For our Net Buddies in South Africa, July is a cold, cold month. But it is holiday time for them, too. At the end of June, our Net Buddies have finished their mid-year school exams. Then they are off for a 3 week school holiday...a much deserved rest.

So, when our Net Buddies are away from school, they are also away from Infinite Family's computer labs. Which means, no video conferences, no writing email, no nothing.

It means that our mentors are on holiday from volunteering!

Although, Infinite Family mentors are usually eager for the break to be over so that they can get back to talking, laughing and enjoying their Net Buddy, I have to say, taking a break is very important for volunteers.

The time away from our responsibilities, even the one's we most enjoy, is important in bringing fresh perspective and renewed energy.

So, even though these twice yearly breaks are built into being a mentor with Infinite Family (there is another LOOONG holiday from December through mid-January), I've learned to accept them...and use them wisely.

I encourage our wonderful volunteers to enjoy these holiday breaks & turn time on it's head. So, instead of tea-time with Tshepo, have tea with a friend. Instead of a pre-Sunday brunch chat with Thuli, sleep in a bit longer. And then, come back to us, refreshed and ready to go!

I'll take my own advice, too...I promise! In fact, lunch in the backyard would be a wonderfully welcome change of perspective!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Witnessing = Responsibility

In the work I've done through the years, I've always been aware of the privilege I have to witness certain things in life usually hidden from large swaths of my peer group. The privilege of walking alongside men, women and children challenged by incredible life circumstances is humbling. I have always believed that everything I have witnessed has given me a responsibility...a responsibility not just to change myself or be personally inspired, but to be an interpreter to the larger world of these unique and humbling experiences.

Whether it is the daily victories of staying clean and sober celebrated by the crack addicted inner-city mother, or the more visible heroic efforts of Gail Johnson's Nkosi's Haven or Veronica Kgabo's Diepsloot School...all of these experiences bring with them a responsibility to share, reflect and interpret them to the larger world.

At one point in my travels to South Africa, I was unexpectedly brought into the sickroom of a woman struggling with HIV. As I sat on a low bench beside her mattress on the floor, I, the uninvited guest, was overwhelmed by my role as witness.

Mama, wrapped in tattered blankets, poured out her story of death and illness. Her youngest granddaughter had died the day before...just 6 months old. Her husband, sister, daughter, brother, son and another grandchild had all passed away within the previous 9 months. The woman interpreting all this from the end of the bed was explaining how she herself is no longer taking her ARV medications in order to have money for food for this ever diminishing household.

The interpreter told me I could take a photo. The mama wouldn't mind.

But I did. I minded being there, like a spectator or a tourist invited to take photos of the "natives". I minded my role -- like some kind of parasite feeding off of the human suffering of others.

But I had not asked to come there. I didn't even know where I was being taken when I walked in the home.

And so I witnessed a tragedy not so many people in my world ever see. And witnessing this very uncomfortable and tragic reality gave me a responsibility. A responsibility to tell you this heartrending story. A responsibility to bring you to that low bench in the dimly lit room with a fully realized woman not that much different than myself, pouring out her story to a stranger. I have to believe I was brought to witness her story just for this reason. For the reason that I would share this with you.

And now, it is your turn to take the role of witness seriously. It is your turn to be responsible with her story.

Witness the reality. Share the responsibility.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Pictures and Videos Speak Louder than My Words!


I wanted to try and capture some of the experience Zoleka and I had yesterday at both Tsogang Sechaba and Nkosi's Haven, and thought my own words could never be as powerful of the words of the Net Buddies themselves.

I hope that you are as moved and inspired by the relationships described by the children of Infinite Family as I am. I return from South Africa with Christina's words in my heart.

"Remember," Christina said to all the newly trained Net Buddies at Nkosi's Haven, "Infinite Family has a special name. Infinite means that something goes on forever. Infinite Family means that this is a family that reaches everywhere and our goes on forever. Our Infinite Family will not end."

With your support, we can make Christina's statement a promise. Infinite Family needs mentors, partners, financial supporters and friends. Let us know how Infinite Family has captured your imagination and heart by contacting me at dana.gold@infinitefamily.org.

As always, the Gift is YOU!


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

An Homage to the Dead

Every day, in common conversation, you hear people talking about the dead.

So many die. So many are sick. I stop myself from asking, "Why did she die?". The answer is painfully obvious.

A few of the Net Buddies gather to look at photos of themselves and their friends on my computer. I ask, "How is Boitumelo?". The children look down. I ask, "Where is Thabo?" The children look away. I don't need to ask why.

The sudden quiet, the turning of the head, the staring at the wall...that is the answer to my question.

HIV/AIDS is so pervasive. So many are sick. So many die.

The millions of dead are a silent explosion. The HIV/AIDS pandemic is a bomb-burst of trauma. It is an all pervasive, threatening specter of disease that eclipses the children's current happiness as well as their hoped-for futures.

So, I stop myself from asking.

The silence we share is an homage to the dead.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Looking up

As we left Realogile High School this evening, we haltingly made our way through the streets of Alexandra.

It is an amazing thing to be a small piece of this vibrant, cheek-to-jowl crowded, desperately poor, bustling, entrepreneurial community. Alex has half a million people jammed into a 20 square block area. There is barely space to breathe between the dwellings, shops and sidewalk vendor's stalls in this densely packed township. People spill out from the sidewalks into the streets, competing with the incessantly honking taxis that drive with great impunity through the narrow streets of Alex.

There is no room at all, anywhere...unless you look up.

Structures reach no higher than a man can stand. Homes are constructed from whatever can be found...preferably corrugated metal...but anything that can define a boundary of in and out and keep the strangers and the weather at bay is suitable building material.

But looking up...up past the haphazard network of wires and antennas that weave across the low-slung rooftops...you see sky. You see sun. You see the energy of the scuttling clouds. You see the approach of a storm. You see the bigger forces of nature.

Looking up you see possibility. You see unmarred sunsets. You see the glow of sunrise. You see the beauty of open space.

Open space to dream. To see beyond where you have been planted.

The sky is the limit, it is said.

And for the children of Alex, I would like to believe that is so.

The sky above their heads, the unsullied, uncrowded space of open possibility...space to dream. Space to try new things. Space to dare new things. The space to grasp possibility.

These children of Alex need adults to help them. Adults who will give these children space and time in their own lives.

Infinite Family mentoring sessions are only half hour a week. That kind of space in your life can encourage a child to look up past the overwhelming poverty that surrounds them to see new possibility for themselves, their communities and their country.

If you think that you can make that kind of space available in your life, let me know at dana.gold@infinitefamily.org.

Thanks for reading! Your comments are encouraging!

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Mother's Day at Nkosi's Haven


Today, when we rolled through the gate at Nkosi's Haven, the kids welcomed Zoleka and I with hugs which quickly transitioned into urgent tugs on our hands. "Come this way! Come in here! We've prepared a special breakfast for all the mother's on Mother's Day".

Zo and I made our way through the kitchen where toast was popping, dishes were clanging and excited voices urged us forward into the main living room.

As we rounded the corner, we found the room festooned with balloons and handmade signs, and a table set with white linens. Encircling the table were four beaming mama's. They made room for us as they finished their first course of today's menu: corn flakes and milk!

Next came plates heaping with scrambled eggs, 3 slices of thickly buttered toast and stewed tomatoes. We had tea and jam. We had a specially picked play list of musical selections. We were treated like queens.

Then four children came in and quickly handed Zodwa, one of the mama's, a handmade card. As we passed the simple card around the table, each face was brushed with a tear as we each read the neatly crafted, colorful message of love from the children of Nkosi's Haven.

No sad things today. Just the realization that the legacy of Nkosi Johnson and the mission of Gail Johnson has been realized.

Nkosi, before he died at age 12 in a speech to the UN said:
"Because I was separated from my mother at an early age, because we were both HIV positive, my mommy Gail and I have always wanted to start a care centre for HIV/Aids mothers and their children."

Nkosi's Haven was created so that "more infected mothers can stay together with their children - they mustn't be separated from their children so they can be together and live longer with the love that they need."

I'd say Mother's Day 2009 would demonstrate that this special dream has touched the lives of Zodwa, Busi, Ruth, Grace, Melita and many, many other Moms and children.

What a wonder to be able to be part of it all!

Read more about Nkosi Johnson and Nkosi's Haven at http://www.nkosishaven.co.za/

Saturday, May 9, 2009

One of my favorite places in the world...


Every time I pull up to the gated, brightly painted entrance of Nkosi's Haven, I am amazed at the cheerful visage it fronts to the rough and tumble streets of Berea. But then I ask myself, "Why should I be surprised? What I see on the outside reflects the insides of this special place."

You can't walk five steps without tripping over a curioius toddler or being enwrapped in the shy smile of young one. The warren of pathways that runs through the three structures that house over 75 children and mothers struggling with HIV/AIDS always yields another glowing face, another warm embrace.

The women and children of Nkosi's Haven are very blessed with this family atmosphere, the abundant food, the medical care and good schooling. They are cared for and they know it.

The stories beneath the surface trickle out in halting cadences.

Liba, the oldest of a family of refugee children, who somehow found her way at 14 across the border from Zimbabwe, all the way to Johannesburg.

Ayanda, who had cared for each of his parents as they grew sick and passed away, eventually left to care for his little brother in an abandoned building in Jo'burg.

Z. who was raped by her step-father and who has been HIV+ since age 12.

The stories of tragedy run barely beneath the surface of this bustling, noisy home.

Where is the place where these painful stories are shared? Where healing takes place?

Each Net Buddy stands eagerly outside the computer room, waiting for their little dose of someone special. The person who cares for them so much that they extend themselves across the globe to "be there" through the pangs and joys of growing up.

Liba signs on to our video conferencing platform 10 minutes early, decorating the white board with Mother's Day messages and pretty designs.

Koketso relunctantly leaves her Net Buddy, waving in front of the camera with tears in her eyes as their half hour video conference ends.

These relationships are steadfast and enduring. Meaningful and deep.

And as I came in the gate of Nkosi's Haven today, a dozen 10 year olds milled about outside the computer room...having waited for this day for more than a year. Today, I was coming to teach them how to use the computer, share with them the story of Infinite Family...and give them the gift of mentorship.

What a humbling thing, to be responsible for something that these children so eagerly desire.

What a humbling thing, to be the person these children so eagerly look forward to seeing each week. What a wondrous thing to be a mentor with Infinite Family!

Friday, May 8, 2009

Traveling the World in a Mentor's Heart



As Zoleka and I make our way through the jigsaw of courtyards and pathways that puzzle themselves together into the external space of Realogile High School in Alexandra, I comment to her that every time I come to visit, it is never quiet. Every time I walk the pathways to Infinite Family's little computer center nestled in a corner of this bustling High School, I find children kicking balls, tumbling over one another, hanging around the sidewalks and generally doing everything but sitting in classrooms quietly learning.

Zoleka chuckles...no quick interpretation...just a chuckle.

Then, a bit later, as I stand in a crowded room full of inquisitive faces, and listen to the more seasoned Net Buddies share their experience with Infinite Family, I witness passionate and emphatic testimonials...all in Zulu. The kids are pouring out their hearts and I am desperate to understand! I turn to Zoleka once again, hoping for a quick interpretation.

Zoleka smiles, motions for me to wait. No quick interpretation.

I struggle to pick up one word here and there. A few familiar phrases jump out of the flow: "Advice" I hear. "Improve english", I decipher. "Computers", "VC", "special friend", "share secrets". I begin to think that I don't need to hear every word to know that the children are loving their time with the video mentors of Infinite Family.

But then I hear a few strange words thrown in there. "India". "Many countries". Hmmm? What is Phillip talking about?

This time, Zoleka is quick with an interpretion.

One of our Net Buddies, Phillip, claims that he is traveling the world in his mentors heart. Phillip's life travels have been defined and limited by the boundaries of his little corner of Alexandria. Phillip, a boy who in all his 15 years has rarely ventured past the garbage strewn streets filled with tooting cars, blaring radios, running children and tiny storefronts claims he has now been to India.

Phillip stands before his peers and claims, "I have been with Paul to India, to Germany, to America. I have been with Paul in all his travels because I know that Paul carries me in his heart wherever he goes, every moment of every day."

The quick interpretation? Mentoring through Infinite Family works!

Come join us! To learn more, visit our website: www.infinitefamily.org

Thursday, May 7, 2009

The Power of a Well Placed "NO"!

Today I had the privilege of meeting Veronica Kgabo, principal and founder of Diepsloot Combined School. Veronica had a vision of quality education for the children of the rough and tumble, sprawling Diepsloot area. Veronica's vision took root on an arid, stony 2 acres of land less than 6 years ago. She has nurtured that vision into a lively, cheerful place crowded with tiny, prefab structures and scarred shipping containers that were transformed into classrooms where young minds are ignited with new ideas and children are challenged with the highest of educational standards.

Veronica is a saavy woman...saavy enough to say "no, thank you" as often as she says "yes, thank you." And after this afternoon in her presence, I would offer a guess that it is saying "no" as often as she says "yes" which has made her vision flourish and grow.

When Veronica took her small staff to a rubbish heap that surrounded the school grounds on 2 sides, she swept her arm across the expanse of nasty and proclaimed it would now be their new soccer field. When mothers and fathers of her students came and offered to sort through the rubbish, Veronica said, "yes, thank you." When the church across the way offered assistance with leveling the field, Veronica said "yes, thank you." But when she was offered a tractor for maintaining the field and cutting the grass, Veronica said "no".

Veronica said, "How can I take care of a tractor?" Where will the money come for fuel? No tractor, thank you. But if you would like to keep the tractor and use it here every month, I will be happy for you to do that. But please,a tractor would be a burden, not a blessing."

And when a donor very generously said, "I would like to give you computers.", Veronica again said "no". "How will I maintain computers? And how will I keep them updated? For I know that once they are here, problems will arise and you will not be here to fix them."

But when, another donor, Rentworks, arrived and offered to give Veronica's school 62 computers, they also offered to come every 2 weeks to maintain and update them. And when these computers and the active and ongoing participation of the donor was secured, Veronica said, "yes, thanks"!

Saying no is a problem for those of us in the asking business. It is often difficult to turn down the generous offers of donors, no matter how ill-fitting the gift might feel. For the wrong gift can become a burden to an organization, slowing the development toward goals and the realization of a mission.

Veronica's vision has been solidified with her no-saying as well as her many yes's, as she has taken the school from 180 students to 1800 in less than six years.

Today, I learned from Veronica Kgabo the power of a well placed "NO". I hope I will employ that little word with as much positive force as she has at Diepsloot Combined.

And by the way, Veronica Kgabo said "yes, please!" to a partnership with Infinite Family. We will be lucky to have such a wise partner who will teach us much as we walk this road together.

I'm so glad we weren't given a well placed "no"! Thank you, Veronica Kgabo!

Friday, May 1, 2009

Infinite Family featured on The Glass Hammer!

Hi Everyone,

We got first page, top of the fold position in today’s article on Infinite Family in The Glass Hammer (www.theglasshammer.com).

Thanks to Cheryl Pollard and Barbara Draimin for being such wonderful examples of Infinite Family volunteer mentors!

Pass it on!

d.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Headed to South Africa...


Every single time I get ready to go back to South Africa, I am full of conflicting emotions. Primed and pumped to accomplish many things in a short amount of time gets the adrenaline pumping. The joy of reconnecting with all the phenomenal people -- the NGO workers, the friends and supporters -- and of course, the incredible opportunity to be with the children once again is exciting. All these things are the stuff that gets my engine running and has me moving a bit more rapidly than normal.

But on the other hand, I'm leaving my kids behind for over 10 days. Having a ramped up mom prior to the trip and a very lagged out one afterwards is difficult and disruptive for them. Then of course, the dreaded packing: Cameras, projector and laptop in the carry-on (ugh!). Dictionaries and wooden toys in with the papers. Huge tubs of JIF peanut butter and Nescafe (don't ask!) in the BIG suitcase (the one that could be a coffin for a good size german shepherd). And of course, don't forget the passport (I almost did once!).

The planning and arranging of the schedule makes me, a normally spontaneous person, a super-controlling type A++! Computer training, computer installation, computer upgrades -- check! Staff meeting, staff training, staff brainstorming -- check! Corporate meeting, corporate training, corporate tours -- check! New site visit, new site development, new site relationship building -- uncheck! How do I fit it all into 8 short days on the ground???

The experience is packed solid, but in the midst of it, I try and spend time reflecting on all the feelings, experiences and insights and capture it all in my blog. So, instead of the "regular" once a week post in this blogspot, I will be updating daily. As much a tonic for me as it is a window into another world for you!

So, start looking for updates beginning on May 7th! I promise!

Thanks for your good thoughts and your support. Comments are a great motivator!

Dana

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Incidental Mentors


Tonight, I am learning all about a computer virus that my daughter accidentally (is there any other way?) downloaded onto the family computer. I'm also relearning that I should never use the same password on all my accounts...especially not on my Facebook account, my email account and my bank account.

Some of us are just simply slower learners!

Or maybe I'm just too naive and lazy to heed the warnings that pop up from the day you first touch a keyboard and read the word "GOOGLE".

Warnings that should make me wise enough not to let my first grader on the computer by himself at 6am on a Saturday even though my whole being is begging for another hour of sleep.

You get my point.

With all the ways to get in trouble in this world and all the things I keep learning way too late in life, I sometimes wonder how anyone, myself included, makes it past the age of 25 without spontaneously combusting.

Luckily, there are the guides and teachers, wise ones and gurus along the way. The one's with voices we tune into...the one's who have just the right balance of advice, kindness, humility and wisdom. The person who laughed with us and didn't laugh at us. The person who believed we would make it past 25 and was willing to bet we could do it without blowing ourselves up.

That is basically what mentoring is all about.

I wish I could thank all the people who mentored me on my journey to 25 and beyond. Fortunately, I had the chance to share my gratitude with most of them before they passed on to their next great adventure.

But there are many I will never be able to thank. The many incidental mentors who never even knew that they were on my journey with me.

The incidental mentors in my life were frequent. Random strangers at bus stops and on trains who spoke a sort of transcendent vision that sustained me in some weird way. Other incidental mentors were people I watched and learned from...people I admired from afar. The raven-haired grad student who I listened to speak with such intellectual curiousity and intensity. The woman at the concert hall who carried herself with such grace and strength. Images and conversations that marked me, that remain a part of me even decades later...all gifts my incidental mentors have given me.

And now, I work with hundreds of mentors. Mentors who are choosing that role through Infinite Family.

And all you mentors who I am lucky enough to meet in training and online from time to time? I learn from you. I learn from John, our "gaia guy" as I call him, who is inspiring me. I learn from Mike, whose friends say, "wherever Mike goes love grows". I am touched by Lori, whose love for her Keneilwe, her Net Buddy, is just boundless. I am so honored to know Barbara, a risk-taker and joy-sower, a rule-breaker and flag-bearer.

Just look at all those incidental mentors, who don't even know I'm learning from them! Lucky me!

With all these mentors surrounding me, maybe eventually I'll become a little less naive and lazy, so when the next inevitable teen tech tragedy unfolds, I won't spontaneously combust along with my bank account!

Once again, thank you for all you do...!

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Running the Gauntlet of Growing Up in South Africa

This week, Manini's step-father was dragged from a car and stabbed to death.

Manini's response to our reaching out to her with concern was a deadened "These things happen."

And in her life, and the life of so many young people like her, it is true that these things do happen. Violent death, rape, the violence of poverty wrapped around the ever-present specter of HIV/AIDS buffets the children of Africa like a gauntlet of threatening men with bull-whips in their hands.

We can barely fathom what their days are like. In our days of complaining about traffic, decreasing investment portfolios and the trials and tribulations of appliances that break, children that whine and seemingly endless rounds of chores, tasks and responsibilities...it is hard to see our own lives as privileged.

But Betsy knows, and Cheryl is learning this from Liba and Chuck is being inspired by Siyabonga. The mentors of Infinite Family are given the gift of perspective from these incredible children of Infinite Family.

And Andrea? Andrea is logging on to a computer and coming face to face with Manini...sharing tears and the incredible depth of loss that Manini has faced in her very young life. Andrea in her NYC apartment, with her infant son, is a source of succor and support for this young woman who has no adult in her life...no one left to shoulder the grief with her and encourage her forward.

Manini is in a fragile place. A very smart, motivated young woman who has gone from orphanage to college. A fledgling success story. A child of infinite possibility.

A child of Infinite Family.

Infinite Family needs your support to continue to reach the children who run the gauntlet of growing up in such challenging circumstances.

Your support helps us keep Manini connected to an adult who isn't going anywhere...who she can count on...an adult mentor from Infinite Family.

We hope you would consider giving your time, talent and treasure to the children of Africa through Infinite Family. We make it easy, we make it fun...and it makes a difference.

We thank you for all you do!

Dana

Friday, March 13, 2009

Navigating the Technology Jungle!



Refilwe, an orphanage and community enrichment program located in one of the more rural areas surrounding Johannesburg, loses its power in the Infinite Family computer center every time someone turns on the stove in the cottage next door.

Yes, indeed! Everyday is a new technology adventure with Infinite Family!

*When we teach computer skills at Refilwe, we do it in the dark...afraid to turn on the lights, overload the system and then lose the laboriously typed user profiles the children have been working on.

*Internet Solutions generously donates satellite access to all Infinite Family's computer centers. Which means these hunking-big satellites are attached to tin roofs, concrete block outbuildings and shipping containers masquerading as technology centers. This incredible access to the internet provided free of charge puts the ultimate strain on these less than stable structures. But somehow, these humble dwellings bear the burden of the satellites, beaming the smiling faces of our Net Buddies all the way to outer space and over the pond on a daily basis!

*Nkosi's Haven, a Johannesburg hospice for HIV+ women and their children, stitches together their Infinite Family connection by dangling the modem precariously from a chair...the only way to keep the ethernet wire connected!

And those are just a few of the technology problems in South Africa -- one of the best wired cities on the African continent!

As for the US, you'd think you'd be looking at a fairyland of technological wonders. Guess again!

*100 different users with different operating systems, computers of varying ages and abilities, less than adequate internet connections, modems that are flukey, and speaker/headphone systems that mysteriously want to do something other than work when it is time to be talking to a Net Buddy during a video conference. The US is no technological picnic.

*And in my own home in Pittsburgh PA, if I use my telephone and my microwave at the same time, I sound like I'm underwater and the popcorn won't pop!

Some days, it feels as if technology is a jungle of preying problems waiting to pounce!

And yet, Infinite Family somehow manages to create enduring and special connections between orphans in South Africa and mentors around the world. Mentors and Net Buddies meet every week, sharing their hopes and dreams, their daily lives and funny stories...laughing, creating poetry and chair-dancing to music together...all on this same amazing and frustrating link called technology.

Until of course, one of the kids at the orphanage gives the key to the computer center to a man named David who went away for the weekend...and who conveniently dropped his cell phone in the Crocodile River so he can't be reached. And then you realize even when the technology works, you've still got problems!

Oops!! Gotta go...my neighbor is using his CB Radio and his voice is coming through my computer speakers!!!

Technology...you've got to love it!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Louis CK's perspective

Last night, when I was roaming through the Facebook realm, I came upon a video that made me laugh out loud (or lol, if you do that sort of thing). Louis CK was on a rant on the Conan O'Brien Show about how completely ungrateful we are.

Louis CK did a lol job of pointing out how completely jaded and unappreciative we are of the miracles of our daily modern life. Louis painted a familiar picture of how instead of being completely ga-ga over the miracle of the cell phone, we whine over a dropped call. He wonders why we aren't absolutely stuck to the airplane windows amazed by the fact that we moving through the air in a chair in the sky. Instead, we are impatient, grumpy and never satisfied with whatever we have.

One thing the kids of Infinite Family give me every day is perspective. They are totally over the moon about touching the keys on a keyboard and sending the words they labor to write zooming across the room in an email to a friend. They are proud and bashful at seeing their faces splashed across the computer screen and beamed around the world. They are absolutely amazed by the fact that some adult out there in the big wide world of "important stuff" wants to spend time with them...they who live small lives in shanty towns or orphanages struggling to attain the basic necessities of life.

This miracle of relationship is not lost on these kids. The encouraging words they hear, the advice filled emails they get, the smiles that are shared with them are not incidentals in their day. These interactions are a miraculous intervention in a humble life.

So, yes, Louis CK has nailed us...painted a completely accurate picture of our wanton disregard for the amazing life we live. But if you want a weekly reminder of the wonders of technology and the beauty of shared time -- look no further than Infinite Family.

(I'll give you the Louis CK link because I want you to lol, too! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoGYx35ypus)

Thursday, February 26, 2009

A Hero named Tsietsi...


Today I know that in a tin shack in Alexandria, a South African township wracked by poverty and stalled by underdevelopment, a boy named Tsietsi is thinking about my son Desmond.

While our Net Buddies wait for mentors, I am lucky enough to correspond with Infinite Family's kids via email. Getting messages in their inbox is exciting and keeps them practicing their nascent computer skills. I try to keep them typing by asking them to tell me stories about their lives. The truth is, I am the one who is honored to have my inbox filled with their testimonies of resilience and hope.

A few weeks ago, I asked Tsietsi to write me a funny story. Instead, this is what I received:

Hi Dana Gold

My funny story about me is that I have finished my grade 12 last year, and one thing which makes me frastrated when I think of is that, I failed grade 1 which many people regard it as the most easiest class in school, so when I am trying to tease my friends they just say ''a normal person has never failed grade 1'',they try to make it a joke and I really gets frastrated indeed.

From

Tsietsi


Not the funny story I was looking for. A story that deserved to be honored with some vulnerability of my own. I responded with the following:

Hi Tsietsi!

Oh, that is a hard story. My son has also had to repeat grade 1. He is repeating this year. It makes him sad, too. He is also afraid that the children will tease him.

You could be his hero! You were able to persevere (never give up) which is one of the biggest ways to succeed!

Congratulations on never giving up! Maybe you could share some wise words for my son, Desmond, so that he does not get discouraged.

Thank you for sharing your story, Tseitsi.

Much love,

Dana


Tsietsi did indeed share his wise words. Wise words for me, not just my son!


Hi Dana

You know what, as humans we are not the same. Desmond and Tsietsi are
not the same but you need to tell him how much important he is and
that he must keep on working hard. You know what, trust me, show Desmond more
love and you will see he is going to be such an intelligent son and one day you
are going to be proud of him.


From.

Tsietsi


So, today, in South Africa, there is a hero walking around the halls of Realogile High School. A hero in his own life, my son's life and my own. His name is Tsietsi.

Friday, February 20, 2009

Encouragement


It isn't everyday that I am "on call" anymore. Back when Infinite Family first started I was "on call" during our video conferencing times almost every day of the week. Although I am glad for the time I now have to advance Infinite Family's mission -- I miss the special little glimpses into our Net Buddies world that came with being "on call".

But today...I'm on call!

Which means I get to share with you my little window into another world.

First, Christina, our Net Fundi at the Haven, called to tell me about the changes in the VC schedule. M. wasn't going to be able to make it to his VC today. When I inquired about the reason, she responded, "it has something to do with his body...but he won't talk to me about it." That is Christina's bit of short hand for saying he had recently gotten circumcised.

Since it was discovered that circumcision reduces the transmission rate of HIV/AIDS, many of the older boys have been scheduled for the surgery. As you can imagine, none of them is eager for the procedure. And all of them have to go it alone.

Since the boys are orphaned, there is no mother to sit with them in the aftermath of such surgery. And since the boys are in their late teens, the understaffed orphanages can't spare anyone to accompany them to the hospital or be there for them as they struggle with the pain.

So, M. wasn't coming to his VC.

I called Lisa, his Infinite Family mentor to tell her. She told me of how scared M. had been, how nightmarish the hospital experience was for him. She told me of how worried she was that there was no mother or father there for M. to go to, to depend on, to make sure that this very sensitive surgical site did not get infected. Lisa felt so sad for her boy, M.

So, she wrote him an email. I'd like to share part of it with you:

My dear M,

Long time no see. Boy, I miss you so much. I miss your smile and laugh. I hope things are going alright with you. I am so sorry that you had to experience the hospital all by yourself. I wish I was there to be by your side and hold your hand, to comfort you thru the scary times.

I want you to know that you can talk to me any time you need to. I am here for you always. I am not going anywhere. I love you M. You are the son I never had, and I am very proud of you.

If something is wrong with you please tell the house mother. If your circumcision is infected please tell her. You may need to get some medicine to cure it up...

Write me a email to let me know what's going on. Take care of yourself young man. I'll be talking to you soon.

HUGS TIGHT, Lisa

Lisa is 8000 miles away from M. and confined to a wheelchair. She can't use her hands to type, so she uses a special instrument to help her navigate the keyboard.

But do all those physical limitations lessen the impact of her words? No. Her words, to a very uncomfortable and lonely boy in an orphanage in South Africa are the medicine he needs.

And Lisa supplies it!

Infinite Family mentors are special people. I am so blessed to know them!

You can know them, too! Become a part of Infinite Family today! Join our next mentoring training class on March 23rd!

Thanks for caring...

Dana